A Coincidental Relative
by Marie Elaine Cullen
Summary: Jack has a brother, who has stumbled into some financial trouble and is coming to live with Alex and Jack. Alex is nervous about meeting the man, but it turns out... he's already met him...
1. Please Tell Me I'm Hallucinating

**AN: Well, this idea came to me out of nowhere, and I'm pretty sure that for the most part, it's original… It's not an idea that I have many ideas for, but I might always develop some!**

**LATER NOTE: Sorry, but this took a while because my flash drive caught a virus, so I had to run all sorts of virus fighting things on my laptop, and the desktop, as I worked on both of them. I had to completely rewrite this, as nothing could be salvaged from the diseased little memory stick. RIP Purple Flashy.**

**DISCLAIMER: I've gone through this with you people already! Fine. I do not under any circumstances own Alex Rider… * sobs * Why do you people have to do this to me?  
**  
**A Coincidental Relative**

**Chapter One**

**Please tell me I'm hallucinating.

* * *

**  
Alex stared at Jack.

"What?" He couldn't possibly have heard that right…

"I have a brother, Alex." Jack told him. "He lives here in England and he recently called me… He's been having financial problems, and he doesn't have enough to pay rent for his apartment… And he has nowhere to go, so he's going to be staying with us for a while."

Alex nodded. "Why have I never heard of him?"

Jack sighed, putting a hand to support her head. "It started years ago when my mom died… And our Dad… Well, my brother took it hard and sort of separated from our family… I haven't heard from him in years…"

Alex nodded thoughtfully. "His name?"

"Well… It's Jack."

Alex stared blankly at her before breaking out into laughter.

"Your… hahaha… parents named… hahaha… both of you… Jack?"

Jack frowned. "Yeah, yeah, yeah… We were twins… To everyone I was Jack number 1, and he was Jack number two… My real name is actually Jackie…" She made a face.

Alex couldn't seem to stop laughing.

After a few moments of Jack glaring at him and him laughing like he'd never heard anything more funny (and he hadn't!), he sobered up long enough to ask "So when is Number Two coming, Number One?"

Jack glared at him. "He's coming today. And I'm already regretting the fact that I didn't give him your room."

Alex looked up. "Today? And when were you planning on telling me?"

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Well, I was planning on telling you now, and I'm right on schedule!"

Alex sighed. "So… are you planning to tell him about… you know…"

Jack echoed his sigh. "I don't know… I probably will have to, if he stays here for a while…. After all, those bastards don't seem like they're going to let you go from their evil clutches." She pursed her lips.

Alex stared at her bemusedly. "Evil clutches? Jack, have you been reading those fantasy books again?"

Jack swatted him with her book, which was in fact a fantasy…

They then got up from the table and cleared up the dishes from which they had eaten from before Jack had spilled about Number Two.

Alex then went upstairs to do his homework.

He was doing as much work as he could, to catch up as soon as he could.

Tom texted him after an hour into algebra (damn a, b, x, y and all the rest to bloody hell), and asked if he could come to the park to play football. (1)

Alex texted back, _Sure_, and called to Jack as he went out the front door "Jack, I'm going to the park with Tom!"

Jack yelled back, in routine "Okay, be back before dark!"

So Alex rode his bike to the park, where Tom was sitting on a bench, looking totally and utterly bored.

"How are your parents?" Alex asked when he sat down next to him.

Tom flinched. "My mom started going on about no freedom, and my dad kept yelling about how she made a commitment, and how he should've known she wouldn't honor it…"

"Over what?"

"A broken dinner dish."

Alex patted him on the back. "Remember, you've only got to hold up for a few more weeks. Then, summer, and you're going to Italy!"

Tom took a deep breath in, and an equally deep breath out.

Alex started chuckling. "I just remembered. I have family trouble as well."

Tom looked at him oddly. "No kidding? What kind?"

Alex smirked. "Jack's brother is coming to live with us."

"Oh, I didn't know she had a brother…"

Alex shrugged. "Neither did I… Apparently they hadn't talked in years… Oh! And Jack's name is actually Jackie! And her brother's name is Jack! So they called her and him Jack Number One, and Jack Number Two!"

Tom cracked up. "Hahaha…"

After Tom's laughter ceased he thoughtfully tapped his chin. "Hmm… I'm beginning to think you're trying to get me into a conversation because you're scared I'll beat you at football."

Alex snorted. "As if!"

So they started a football game, dodging, kicking, and tripping.

By the time they were finished, it was nearing dark, and they were completely exhausted.

So Alex biked back to the house, went through the back door, and hearing Jack in the kitchen, he walked there, and seeing Jack alone, he stepped forward and asked. "Where's Number Two?"

Jack jumped a little, and then turned around. "Oh, he went to go freshen up… Umm… Alex, I sort of didn't tell him that I took care of you… So…"

Alex nodded. "So you wanted me to stay upstairs until you break the news?"

"Yup. Now run along…"

Alex grinned and went up the stairs, waving at the top.

Jack motioned for him to 'shoo.

So he pretended to go to his room, while he peered from the top.

He wanted to get a good look at Number Two.

When he heard "Hey One, when's dinner?" he gasped.

He knew that voice…

And he had been hoping that he would never hear it again…

* * *

Jack Starbright (Number Two) was not having a good week.

It began when his co-workers played a prank on him…

Having paint splattered all over him when he walked into the bathroom was not his ideal start on a Monday.

And pink was NOT his color.

After that, it so happened that his roommate had decided to move in with his girlfriend, and Two couldn't afford to pay rent on his own.

So they went their separate ways, and poor Number Two had to find One's number, which was found in his sock bag.

How it got there, Two didn't really want to know…

But it was there, and Two stared uncomfortably at the number before dialing it hesitantly and waiting for One to pick up…

A woman's voice rang out. "Hello?"

He waited a second. "Umm… Hi One…"

The woman on the line gave out a little yelp of surprise.

"Two? Is that you?"

Two nodded, and then realized that One couldn't see him, so he said quietly. "Yeah…"

"Oh my God! Two… why haven't you called?"

Two sighed and thought a bit before answering. "Well… your number was in my socks, so I couldn't find it until I looked for a while… and because I felt guilty… I haven't called you in forever… And now, I'm being selfish and calling for a favor…"

One's voice sounded concerned. "It's fine Two… But I expect phone calls at least every month from now on… Wait, a favor?"

Jack 2 sighed. "Yeah… see, I'm having a bit of financial trouble since my roommate moved out… I can't afford to pay rent by myself… and I was wondering… Could I move in with you?"

One didn't answer for a while.

Two got worried and hurriedly explained. "My job takes me away a lot… And there's no point paying for an apartment where I'll barely be… So I decided to ask if you needed a roommate, but if that's a problem, I'll just… find a cheap place…"

One interrupted him. "It's fine… Just wasn't expecting that…"

Two chuckled. "Yeah, I wasn't expecting that you would move to England after me… Made me think you were stalking me till I remembered that Dad wasn't on speaking terms with you…"

One was silent.

Two started to blab. "I mean, I guess you forgot, but whenever you forward things, for some reason you send it to my old email address, and I sort of read them, cause I missed you… and..."

One interrupted him. "How did you know that Dad and I weren't on speaking terms?"

Two flushed a bit. "Well…Do you remember the time Dad yelled at me for being lazy and not pursuing a career, and how I should've gone to boot camp?… well, I knew you heard that, and I heard you yelling at him how until he apologized you wouldn't talk to him… And he sent me several emails saying that he wanted me to call you and tell you to talk to him… But he didn't apologize…"

Two took a deep breath and continued. "I wanted to thank you… for that… but then Mom died… and… well, I didn't really get a chance."

"Well, I'm the older one... No pun intended on the One part… And it's my job to take care of you. Get a pen and some paper. I'll give you the address."

So Two got a pen, and quickly scrawled down what One dictated to him.

He then said goodbye to her, and promised to call her tomorrow, when he would be moving out.

Two sighed sprawling out on the cheap cot that had come with the apartment.

He was going to see his sister for the first time in years…

And he was going to live with her.

Oh God.

* * *

Two was nervous.

He was sitting in his car, outside of the house that had the same address that was written down on his piece of paper.

He had expected Jack to be living in a nice apartment…

But not a beautifully furnished family house…

Oh God.

What if she was married?

What if she had kids?

Oh GOD!

WHAT IF SHE EXPECTED HIM TO BABYSIT?

Two took a deep breath in, stepped out of the car, and knocked on the door.

It was opened a few seconds later.

He was looking slightly down at a redhead, who stared at him and then said in a very disbelieving voice, "Two?"

He nodded, and grabbed her into a big bear hug.

"Can't… breathe…" Jack 1 gasped out.

Two pulled back. "Sorry."

One examined him. "When'd you get so big?"

Two chuckled. "Jackie…It's called puberty…"

One smacked him. "I swear, if you call me that in public I will hurt you. Badly. I picked up a few things…"

Two shook his head.

Same old One.

One took him by the arm, and dragged him into the house.

Jack 2 looked around in awe.

The house was beautifully furnished.

It had a Victorian Manor House air to it.

Two found himself wondering, once again, how the heck Jackie, he thought he was safe to call her that in his mind… but what if there were aliens? With mind-reading powers? Never mind… He would just call her One. Anyways, he wondered how the heck One could afford such a nice place.

She led him into the kitchen where he gulped down a cup of strong coffee.

He then asked to see his room.

She then led him to a room just past the staircase.

It was plain, but the furniture inside it was very intricate.

"This is the guest room. You can decorate it however you want."

One then left him in the room.

Two looked at the bed, and then at the ceiling.

It was high enough.

He leaped onto the bed and started jumping, as was the American tradition when introduced to a new bed.

After a few minutes of gleeful jumping, he laid down, and nodded off.

When he abruptly woke up, he was conscious of only one thought.

He was really happy that he had called Jack 1. Or One… whichever she preferred…

He sighed happily when he smelled her cooking.

She had really improved.

As in, she couldn't even get close to burning water.

He stood up, and got closer to the good smell.

Yeah. He was really happy that he had called One.

* * *

**AN:**

**(1): It might show a bit that at the time of writing this, I was pretty angry at algebra…**

**Well, that's the first chapter.**

**Can anyone guess who Two is?**

**Please review!**

**I'm planning on writing a few more chapters before I post, so by the time you read this, hopefully I'll be halfway through…**

**Anyways, **

**Please guess! I need reviews!**

**Begging for Reviews and Guesses,**

**Marie**


	2. Might as well have fun with it!

**AN: Wow... You people are awesome!!! I looked at my email, and I nearly fainted!!! So many people read this, and so many reviewed! Thanks so much! This chapter is shorter than the last one, and for that I apologize, but the next one is longer... I think...**

**Disclaimer: I checked every single page of Stormbreaker. Nowhere did it say that I owned Alex Rider. *SOB***

**A Coincidental Relative**

**Chapter Two**

**Might as well have fun with it!**

* * *

Alex gaped at the man who had just sat down at the kitchen table.

What the bloody hell was happening?

Jack turned around and answered, "Dinner is grilled cheese and ham sandwiches with tomato soup, and leftover salad."

Two rubbed his hands together eagerly.

Alex stared at him, and then instead of hyperventilating, he began planning on how to reveal himself in the most flamboyant, funny, and casual way that would make Two confused, and fuming.

He then decided on a plan, but it would only work in a certain circumstance, before he realized that he had been delirious when he had made the plan and it would never work…

But maybe…

No… That wouldn't work…

Alex began planning again, but couldn't find a solution.

Meanwhile, Jack shoved a plate in front of Two, and then sat down herself.

They ate in silence for a few minutes before she took a deep breath, and began to speak. "Um… Two? Well, I'm not exactly alone in this house…"

Two took a deep breath. "So… you're married?"

Jack looked shocked, and then wrinkled her nose. "No! I mean, there's a kid who lives here…" **(1)**

Two nodded thoughtfully. "So… how old is the kid?"

Number One took a deep breath. "He's fourteen."

Two gaped at her.

"F-fourteen?"

Then he nodded. "Okay… then when do I meet the guy, and is he anything like you?"

Jack looked confused, and looked at Alex for help.

Alex smirked, and started signing what was happening.

First, he put two fingers up for Two, then he put tapped on against his temple, for thinks.

He then spread his legs, and put on a painful, and stressed expression, before removing something from between his legs and rocking it back and forth with a serene expression.

He then dropped the serene mask, and pointed to himself urgently.

Then, after a few repetitions, Jack's eyes widened, and she winked slyly at Alex.

"No, he looks like his father… He died when Alex was just a baby… Poor guy…"

Alex burst into silent laughter at the look on Two's face…

Two patted Jack on the back.

Then she motioned for Alex to come down, as she was quickly realizing that she could not keep the charade by herself for much longer…

He skipped down the stairs and stood in front of Two.

Alex smiled at Jack, and grabbed an extra plate while loading it with food.

Two stared at Alex unbelievingly.

"Uhh… One, how old is Alex again?"

Alex raised an eyebrow. "I'm fourteen years old…"

Two choked on his sandwich. "Oh… Okay…"

Alex nodded.

The charade went on for a few minutes before Alex asked casually (relishing the chance to use Jack One's real name without being brutally murdered.). "So Jackie told you that my parents died when I was a kid, right?"

Two choked on his salad, and then rubbed his throat. "Uh… Yeah, but… Wait, isn't One your mom?"

Jack and Alex both gaped at Two, before saying at the same time, "God no! What made you think that?"

Two gaped at them before excusing himself to go to his room.

The second he left the room, Alex and Jack burst into laughter.

After quite a few minutes of laughing their heads off and falling out of their chairs, only to slide back into them and to fall out again, Alex excused himself to go up to his room.

He finished his algebra homework, and then went to sleep, all the time plotting how to reveal his identity.

Alex's tired brain managed to give a wonderful idea before retiring for sleep.

He would put it into action tomorrow.

* * *

Two laid on his bed thinking about the day, and sighed.

He was glad he had called One.

Even if she had made him think that Alex was her child…

At least she and Alex had senses of humor…

Speaking of the boy, he had looked vaguely familiar…

Two couldn't place where he had seen him, or when, but he knew that he had seen him, or someone who looked very much like him…

After a few more minutes of quiet thinking, Two shrugged his shoulders and focused on falling asleep.

He had a big day of unpacking tomorrow.

* * *

Alex timed his plan perfectly.

He had already dressed, showered, and eaten.

While Two was just walking out of his room, yawning.

Alex pushed him from behind, making him jump. "BOO!" He shouted.

Then Two turned around, and jumped once again.

He hadn't even heard Alex coming…

Alex walked towards the front door, turning to shout a sentence at the man.

"Bad reflexes! Wolf would be ashamed!"

Eagle hung his head before thinking, _He's right… Wolf would be furious…_

And then, something dawned on him.

How did the kid know about that?

Then, his eyes widened, and he cursed.

_OH SHIT.

* * *

_

**AN:**

**(1): The following part is sort of the same as Yassen IS SEXY's fanfic, What? It's a great fic, but I wrote this scene a while before that chapter was published…And I'm not claiming it… I already talked to her, and she's fine with me using it… After all, great minds think alike!**

**Sorry it's so short… I just had a few things I wanted to fit into this one, and I have a plan for the next chapter, so those things couldn't go here…**

**Well, were you expecting that? Haha… I just thought that no one wrote about Jack having a sibling before, and never had I heard of someone writing a story with EAGLE as the brother! **

**I had the last scene planned a little differently, but then I realized that it was extremely OOC… So I decided to change it…**

**Please review and tell me what you think! And, I want to know… Who should find out about Alex next, Ben (Fox), Wolf, or Snake? I can't decide… VOTE!**

**Begging for Reviews,**

**Marie**

**PS: I'm having a problem... I'm not getting any alerts... I know this, because I checked the archive, and it showed a few stories that were on my alert list, but I didn't get an email... Is anyone else having this problem? And does anyone know why?  
**


	3. I'm just gonna faint now

**You people are amazing!! I got so many reviews!!! :) I'm happy. But queasy. You see, I'm sick. So I decided to update this chapter. So, now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to bow down to the white goddess (In other words, going to the toilet to barf). **

**Disclaimer: Alex Rider is the property of Anthony Horowitz… But I've got some flowers, chocolate, and beer, and who knows… If all goes well… **

**A Coincidental Relative**

**Chapter Three**

**I'm Just Gonna Faint Now**

* * *

Eagle stared at the door for what seemed like hours before sitting down on the couch in his room, and pinching himself, waiting to wake up.

He waited for a few seconds, before realizing that drastic measures must be taken to get out of the weird, creepy dream he was currently in.

He punched himself.

The force of the punch made him fall off the couch.

Two lay face down on the carpet muttering. "Oh shit…" over and over again.

It… it… it…. It was unbelievable…

Out of all the households in London? Really?

Why? Just…why?

And… was it really him?

Or did Alex just hear him muttering in his sleep?

But Eagle would've muttered things related to his dream… and… uh… his dream wasn't exactly as innocent as SAS training…

So that didn't work…

Or maybe, Alex was the cousin of…Him…

Please?

No… then Alex would've just stayed with Him… **(1)**

And didn't One say that his Uncle died a while ago?

AGH!

It was so confusing!

Eagle decided that he was going to just ask Alex how the heck he knew about Wolf…

As soon as Alex came home from school…

* * *

Alex laughed non-stop on his way to Tom's house.

Tom lived closer to the school than Alex did, so Alex stopped by his house on his way to school, and they would bike the rest of the way.

Tom saw Alex's gleeful look, and raised an eyebrow.

"Jack's brother turned out to be one of the men from my crash-course SAS unit. He didn't recognize me, but this morning, I scared him by jumping out from behind him, and when I was close to the door I yelled something like, 'Bad reflexes! Wolf would be ashamed!'."

Seeing Tom's confused face, he quickly explained, "Wolf was the Unit leader, and a complete bastard."

Then, Tom's forehead furrowed, as if he was thinking of something, and then he burst out into laughter.

"HA! HA! HA!… Oh my god… Please tell me that you didn't unplug the security camera… I NEED TO SEE THAT TAPE!"

Alex chuckled and reminded himself to copy the tape onto DVDs. Maybe Ben Daniels would buy a few…

He shook himself out of the thought as they neared the school.

A few seconds after they had locked up their bikes, a shout of "Hey! You took my bike spot!" rang out.

Alex turned to look at the boy.

He had light brown hair, and blue eyes. His bicycle was a mountain bike commonly found in department store. The boy was totally unfamiliar, as he had probably moved to the school while Alex was on his most recent mission. **(2)**

"Excuse me?" Alex asked.

"You heard me, new kid, you took my spot." The boy spoke confidently, and arrogantly.

Alex raised an eyebrow. "New kid? And how long have you been here?"

The boy frowned and spat. "None of your business."

Alex nodded and started to pick up his things from where he had set them down while he was locking up his bike.

"Hey! I'm not done with you!" The boy yelled at Alex.

Alex didn't turn. "Too bad I'm done with you then, isn't it?"

Out of the corner of his eye, Alex saw the boy flush.

"LISTEN! YOU ARE IN MY SPOT, AND UNLESS YOU WANT TO GET YOUR ASS KICKED, YOU ARE GOING TO MOVE!"

Alex turned. "I was here for many, many years. Do you honestly expect me to move my bike because some kid who's been here for three weeks wants the spot where I parked my bike?"

The boy frown became more accented. "What do you mean, many years? I haven't seen you around!"

Alex turned away and started walking to the school. "It's called being sick. Maybe you should look it up."

With that, Alex walked to the school, and Tom hurried after him.

"Al, that kid is involved with the BD-Gang."

Alex nodded to this piece of knowledge. The BD-Gang stood for Bullying, Drugs and Gangs. It was the rough formation of bullies, gangs, and drug dealers that dwelt in Brookland.

Alex had already highly suspected that fact, as the boy had the loudness, rudeness, and lack of IQ that was required for admission to the BD-Gang.

Tom looked warily at him. "They think that you kicked their butts a few years ago because of a fluke… They're probably gonna try to hurt you…"

Alex smiled. "Picking on the almost-nephew of a SAS soldier, not smart!" When Tom's chuckle was over he said thoughtfully and quietly. "Well, the almost-nephew is a MI6 SO spy, but, you know what? Let's just not mention that!"

Tom's laughter was much more pronounced this time, and caused several heads to swerve their way.

Alex nearly smiled himself, but then realized where he was and decided against it.

He walked up to his locker, and tried to open it. Key word, _tried. _After three repetitions of his combination, he realized that he was actually trying to open the locker next to his, which happened to be Tom's. Tom, meanwhile was cracking up. **(3)**

Needless to say, Tom sobered up the second Alex's glare hit him.

Alex then proceeded to run to his first class, which went every other day, so presumably he would have to deal with an overcurious teacher. He sank into a chair, just in time to hear his name being called in roll. "Present!" He answered while he got out his supplies.

The teacher, Mr. Gloss, looked up startled, as he hadn't been expecting Alex to be there.

"Oh. Good. I see you're back from your latest sickness, what was it this time, the Spanish Influenza?" Gloss said dryly.

"No, sir. Actually I had a custody problem, and we had to travel to meet with a woman who thought she was my great-aunt… It turned out she was just senile." Alex smirked as Gloss's face darkened.

"Yes… Very well…" The teacher said sullenly before moving on down the list of names.

Alex sighed with relief. At least he hadn't been questioned more deeply.

* * *

The rest of his classes were all classes that he had every day, so he wasn't faced with any awkward questions… That was… until lunch…

Lunch was an awkward affair.

Yesterday, no one had noticed that the infamous Alex Rider had returned to Brookland, so therefore there was no staring and awkward silences.

It was too much to hope that it would continue through another day. And the cherry on top of the cake was that now the BDG was glaring at him.

Of course, half the BDG had the strength of a kitten from all of the drugs, so Alex wasn't worried much.

However, he could really do without the _teachers _glaring at him.

Didn't they have anything better to do?

Like… harass a different student who was sick every two months for a few weeks?

Was it too much to ask for someone to distract the teachers?

Of course, as soon as he voiced this thought to Tom, the latter leapt up and randomly yelled out "FOOD FIGHT!"

Mashed potatoes and all kinds of sauce started flying in the air.

Alex ducked under the table shaking his head in horror.

Then, he thought about it.

He'd never been in a food fight before, and chances were, he would never be in one again, so why not enjoy it?

Alex reached out and grabbed some food that was lying on the floor, and chucked it at the BDG.

That insured that he would be attacked by food, but who cared? He was already in all probability on the death list of Eagle (Not mentioning the countless terrorists that he'd pissed off), so why not a bunch of kids with a lame gang name?

So he hurled more food. Left and right, boys and the sportier girls were laughing, while the other half of the girls squealed as mashed potatoes, puddings, and other foods pelted their clothes.

Alex started enjoying himself then.

He intentionally aimed his glops of food to hit the BDG boys in the…uncomfortable spot.

And he intentionally threw the messier foods at the girls, who squealed very, very loudly when some hit them.

Just as Alex was beginning to get into the swing of things, the Headmaster ran into the lunch room, and yelled "ANYONE WHO DOESN'T STOP THIS SECOND WILL BE SUSPENDED AND OR EXPELLED!"

Pieces of food that were in the air fell to earth with a big splat.

Alex dropped the huge handful of birthday cake he was holding, and hid his food-stained hands behind his back.

He couldn't afford getting expelled... Not with the way his grades had dropped… he wouldn't be able to get into another school…

At least, a good school… He really did not want to go to a rehab school…

Although, if he went to a school like that, he wouldn't have to face down Eagle…

Alex shook the thought from his head and listened as the Principal ranted on about how "Never have I…" "In ALL MY YEARS!"…. "Such irresponsibility…" …. And then a bunch of other stuff about how appalled he was… Alex zoned out after a bit.

In the end, Tom got detention, as did the BDG boys (who, it turned out, collectively threw pieces of liver at the lunch lady), but Alex got off scotch-free!

For the rest of the day they were excused from classes to clean the room up.

It was a good trade, Alex thought.

After the tiring labor, he biked home, thinking all the while about how he would deal with Eagle and Jack…

He grinned.

This was going to be fun.

* * *

**AN:**

**(1): I just reread this and realized I didn't know who the heck He was… Then I remembered that He means Cub… Ah, Eagle, how close you are… **

**(2): This story is after Snakehead, non Crocodile Tears, and Alex has gone on another mission, it was a relatively easy one, involving going undercover as a Chinese gang kid, to figure out what the triads were up to…**

**(3): Yeah… this wasn't a random detail… That actually happened to me today. My friend let me nearly be late for class, just to watch me be frustrated…. Needless to say her lunch bag was stolen from her locker, and taken to lunch by someone else… Moral of the story: Do not laugh at a friend if said friend knows your locker combination… hehe…**

**PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! I really need to hear what you think before I write anything more… So please, review!**

**Begging Oh So Pitifully for Reviews,**

**Marie**


	4. Confrontation

**Hey! I know this update is kind of late, but from now on I'll be updating every two weeks or so, because I can type up very crummy chapters quickly, but unless you want Eagle and Alex skipping off into the horizon randomly in the next chapter, I'll focus on typing up something actually worth reading... Hopefully... **

**Anyways, ONWARDS!  
**

**Disclaimer: Yeah… I had a dream where I owned Alex Rider. I also had a dream where bunnies ruled the earth with small staffs full of albino fire… The second one has a bigger chance of coming true…**

**A Coincidental Relative**

**Chapter Four**

**Confrontation**

* * *

Alex arrived at his house in record time, eager to see what reaction he had imposed on Eagle.

He entered the house with a loud cry of "HONEYS I'M HOME!"

Jack #2 appeared in the hallway instantly. "Hey… Cub?" He said hesitantly as if he still couldn't believe the fact that the teenager who had his life made hell for two weeks was standing in front of him.

Alex grinned at him and replied. "Hey Number Two! Or do you prefer Eagle…?"

Eagle shook his head in disbelief.

He then grabbed Alex's arm and dragged him into the guest room where he was thrown down onto a couch.

"Talk." It was a demand.

Alex sighed. "Aww… I thought we might get some nice chit-chat in… And I had a hard day at school today! And I come home, expecting to be able to relax, but here comes some random SAS soldier, who grabs me and throws me onto a couch… Not fair!"

Eagle growled (something he had probably picked up from the leader of his unit).

Alex sighed once again. "Fine. I'm Cub. What else do you want to know?"

Two pounced on the opportunity.

"WHAT DO YOU DO TO GO DOWN A MOUNTAIN WITH A BLOODY SNOWBOARD?!!" He screamed questioningly.

Alex grinned. "Well, you see, it's called a mission. Now, brace yourself, on a mission… you do some investigating…"

Eagle's face was priceless, and Alex was seriously regretting not installing a security camera in the guest room…

On that subject, why had he not again?

Oh…oh yeah… invasion of privacy… There was one outside of the guest room, but that didn't see into it did it? Hmm…

Alex was interrupted from his mind-wandering by an Eagle growling madly "If you don't tell me who you work for, I will tell One what you do!"

Alex laughed dryly. "She knows already of course… And you would have to tell her what role you had in that life… And let me tell you, she doesn't like anyone who was in K-Unit… Well, maybe Ben..." He trailed off thoughtfully.

Eagle gaped at him. "How'd you know Ben's real name?"

Alex shrugged. "I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you… Well… I probably wouldn't tell you, and just kill you… But I guess that would make Jack mad…." He looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully.

Eagle's ears were practically on fire from all the steam they were spitting out. "WHO DO YOU WORK FOR?!!!!"

The boy chuckled. "Don't let One hear that, she'll think you're some random terrorist here to abduct innocent ol' me!"

Eagle was now choking the air with his hands. Trying hard not to cuss so loudly that his good-for-nothing father could hear him in the US.

Alex grinned widely at this.

Jack #2 sighed and put down his hands. "What do you want. Because you're obviously blackmailing me."

Alex smirked and leant back into the couch while putting his hands behind his head. "What makes you think I want anything?"

Eagle glared. "Maybe the fact that you told me that you were Cub, and that Jack would hurt me when she found out who I was."

The spy's smirk grew more pronounced. "I'll go running to her yelling about whom you are, as soon as she comes home, saying I didn't tell her earlier because I was in shock."

"Unless?" Eagle was wondering if he really wanted to know.

"Unless you don't protest when I show the video of this morning to Jack for a laugh, and when I burn DVDs from it for Ben, and others…"

Eagle frowned. "Wait, to Jack? You said you wouldn't tell her!"

Alex shook his head. "No, I meant I would break it to her easily, and showing her the video of me making you look like you peed your pants will help her accept your second identity better."

Two looked at the floor. "Fine." He said looking up. "Just…. Don't let Wolf get a hold of the DVD. Please. I'm begging you."

Alex nodded satisfied. He extended his arm to Eagle, who shook it.

"Now onto other subjects…" Eagle said nervously. Then, he realized something. "WAIT! You never told me who you work for!"

The boy sitting across from his folded his arms. "Figure it out."

Eagle shook his head. "Fine. But about the other subjects… Uh… Well, you see, I sort of told the others in the Unit, that if my sister was fine with it, they could hang out around here, but… Even with you gone, there are the pictures of you… And well, it wouldn't end well…"

Alex nodded. "I already thought of that. My Uncle actually installed cover-up pictures so that anyone entering the house wouldn't know who lived there… It's at the press of a button, I'll show you where it later. He was cautious of stuff like that. And if you tell me ahead of time that they're coming, I can use the secret entrance to come and go."

Eagle perked up. "Secret entrance?"

"Don't ask. If I told you it wouldn't be a secret."

The Second Jack grumbled and sank down in on the bed, where he had been sitting.

"So I _can _bring them around?" Odd, he was asking permission of a fourteen year old.

Alex nodded. "You can… but only if Jack approves."

Two nodded. "Fair enough." Then, "So when are you planning to tell One?"

Alex shrugged. "Later this evening, probably. It matters what mood she's in. When her mood matches her hair… Stay away…"

Eagle chuckled. "You've got that right. Thank god I was gifted with wonderful brown hair. This way, I don't have much of an anger management problem."

The boy sitting across from him raised his eyebrows. "Do you really want me to tell Jack that you said that she had an anger management problem?"

This was followed by a "DON'T YOU DARE!" and after much laughing, Alex excused himself to go do his homework.

* * *

Alex sat on the couch while Jack's car pulled up in the driveway.

He took a deep breath, clutching the DVD in his hands.

Jack walked in loaded with groceries.

"Jack?" He asked. "Can I talk to you for a sec?"

She nodded, puzzled, but with a small smile.

Alex knew that it was best to get it over with… He had already told Eagle to board himself up in his room, just in case One got mad.

The boy worked quickly. By the time Jack walked over, he had already loaded the DVD into the television.

Jack sat down and peered curiously at Alex.

"Just watch." He said, gesturing to the screen.

She turned her attention to it.

On it, a man walked out of the guest room, yawning.

Jack watched the following events with rapt attention, clenching her jaw when Wolf was mentioned, and her eyes widened slightly when she realized who her brother was (he wasn't Wolf, as Wolf was mentioned, and Ben would know Alex on sight, he wasn't from Scotland, so he couldn't be Snake).

She did, however, laugh when Alex ran out the front door, and Two, Eagle, stood doing a remarkable impression of a fish.

Alex sat uncomfortably while Jack finished her chuckling and turned to him.

He flinched when she opened her mouth, and was surprised when she said "Good job. I'm going to go talk to that worthless brother of mine and ask him where he learned to do that fish expression."

He laughed as she left, and took out a walkie talkie.

"Eagle, The Red knows. I repeat, The Red knows. Red headed toward your base. Do you copy?"

There was a pause on the other line. "I copy. Pray for me."

Alex smirked. "Ten-four."

There was a lot of shouting from down the hallway, and after a few minutes (which Alex spent watching and re-watching the DVD of Eagle looking like a trout), Jack came out looking like she had just spent a day at the spa. Totally and utterly relaxed.

She walked by Alex without turning, and Alex started speaking into the walkie-talkie when he was sure that she wasn't about to go after him.

"Eagle? What happened?"

The reply came in a few seconds.

"Ooooow….."

Alex chuckled.

* * *

**AN:**

***Winces * Don't kill me… I know this chapter was short, the ending was terrible and that this chapter had nothing worth reading in it, but I needed to write it so I can write some K-Unit in the next chapter!!! **

**Please vote for who you want to find out about Alex next, and could you please suggest ways, as my bursts of anti-writer's block don't go that far ahead… I'm at a tie (in my head) between Snake and Wolf, and I just can't figure out who should find out!!! So please give me suggestions!  
**

**Please review and Suggest!  
**

**-Marie**


	5. I Have a Poker Face!

**AN: Hey y'all! Happy New Year everyone! I was going to post this in a week, but I got caught up in 2010 fever, and couldn't help myself! Thank you for all of your wonderful reviews!  
**

**Disclaimer: I have a simple rule: If the ownership of Alex Rider ever gets handed to me, look for the hidden cameras. Not mine people.**

**A Coincidental Relative**

**Chapter 5**

**I Have a Poker Face!**

* * *

For a week, life in the Rider house (invaded by Starbrights) was relatively normal.

Alex went to school, and played many a cruel prank on Eagle.

Jack laughed mercilessly at Eagle, and checked the cameras every other day for some pranks that she didn't catch.

And Eagle, was the butt of many pranks, and had to live with it, as pranking the teenaged spy kid was turning out to be not as easy as he thought it would be…

Life went on, and pretty soon, Eagle decided that he had had enough of his seclusion from the outside world.

K-Unit was on leave, and while they were on leave, they were usually too sick of each other to even consider getting together and going out for a beer or something…

But Eagle's nightlife had suffered greatly. In other words, his long-time girlfriend had been found cheating on him, and he had broken up with her the second he went to her house and heard 'Oh, Jessica!' Well, not the second…

Two always had to have the last word on those matters… In other words, during the night, he had crept in and dumped a whole vat of green dye on the both of them… The looks on their faces…

The point was that he was lonely.

Majorly lonely. Oh so very lonely… If he wasn't a "big" "tough" SAS man, he would've cried from how lonely he was.

So of course, he had to make sure that Alex was as annoyed as possible.

"CUB!" He yelled one night, as Alex was finishing up his homework.

"WHAT?"

"COME OVER HERE!"

Alex rushed to the guest room wondering what would be so important that Eagle would demand that he came over there, when he went into an empty room with the man sitting inside in front of a box.

"I'm bored." Stated the man.

"And is that why you called me over here?"

"Play Scrabble with me." Eagle stated again, a hard look on his face.

Alex looked on disbelievingly. "You're kidding right?"

"No… Why would I be?" The man asked, puzzled.

"Because, you, a grown-up SAS soldier, is asking me, a teen who's trying to finish his homework, to play Scrabble." The fair-haired boy said lifting a single eyebrow.

"What's wrong with that?"

Alex sighed. Reasoning with Eagle was a lost cause. "Whatever. Let me finish my homework first."

"But Cuuuuuuub!" He whined.

"I'm finishing my homework and that's final."

"Fine."

In five minutes or so, Alex had finished homework, and had gone downstairs to entertain Eagle.

They moved to the living room for the intense game of Scrabble, and that's how Jack found them when she came home.

"Two, don't you have work to do?" She asked.

"No, but I was bored, so I wanted Alex to play with me." He said innocently.

"Wait, YOU asked Alex? I thought it was the other way around!" Jack asked confusedly. Then, she sighed. "Look… I never thought I would say this, especially with your bastard Unit mates, but you can invite them over."

Eagle bounced up and down, overturning the Scrabble board.

Alex sighed and went up the staircase, neither sibling noticed his absence.

Jack Uno left after a minute, having noticed that her brother had lost his mind.

Eagle kept bouncing around until he noticed that he was alone. He decided to make a dignified retreat to his room, where he would call his mate from D-Unit, Iguana.

* * *

Alex came home, slightly scared of what he would find.

He didn't see a strange car in the driveway, so he walked in yelling, 'JACK STARBRIGHTS, I'M HOOOOOME!'

"Is that a kid?" Alex heard, coming from the living room.

"Yeah… My sister takes care of a 14 year old orphan… He's cool though, and he knows about the SAS thing…" A voice recognized as Eagle's came.

Alex guessed it was someone from the SAS. Hopefully, it wasn't someone Alex had met.

He walked into a sight that left him speechless.

Two big SAS men with bulging muscles, one of which Alex knew, the other whom he had never seen before, were staring at the television screen. Playing one of Alex's video games.

"Uh… Hi?" He said uncertainly to the man he didn't know, who had pale skin, dark hair, and who appeared very focused on cussing out Eagle to make him lose…

"IGUANA! LANGUAGE!" Eagle yelled at him, glancing at Alex to see if he had been traumatized for life. He hadn't been.

The yelled at man, Iguana, turned around hastily. "Oh shit…I mean shoot, kid… I didn't see you there… Uh… sorry about that…"

The sight of an SAS soldier apologizing was very odd, and Alex raised an eyebrow.

"Don't worry about it… I've heard worse."

Eagle was interested. "From who?"

Alex shrugged. "Jack, well, let's just say that she has a very _colorful _vocabulary…"

Iguana nudged Eagle. "Isn't your name Jack?"

Two looked uncomfortable. "Uh… Yeah, but my sister's name is Jackie, she's a tomboy, so they called us Jack #1, and Jack #2."

"Or, just One, and Two…" Alex paused. Then whispered. "He's the Two!"

Iguana cracked up. "You're named Two!?"

"It's-It's-It's… IT'S JUST A NICKNAME!" Eagle defended himself.

"Oh, wait till the guys in Iraq hear about this!"

Alex studied the men.

Eagle was protesting terribly, and Iguana was cracking up. It was hard to believe that these men was among the same ones who had made his life a living hell for ten days.

Although, he was pretty sure that Iguana hadn't been at the camp at the same time as he had been…

If Iguana had been, well, as he had thought when he was doing his Maths homework the night before, SAS man + Teenaged MI6 Spy = Nuclear Disaster (or at least a few cities burning down).

He shook himself out of his thoughts as he remembered the enormous pile of homework that was waiting for him.

"Well, it was nice to meet you, Iguana, but I have to go do my homework..."

Alex turned and left, both SAS men had barely noticed, as they were, at the moment, too busy with defending their names, and laughing so hard it was a wonder their lungs didn't burst…

* * *

He went upstairs and after laying on his bed for a few minutes wondering how Eagle could be so childish sometimes, while Iguana left the house. He did his homework, listening to the obnoxious loud music, something like 'Poker Face'** (1)**, coming from Jack's room… The Original Jack… One.

Alex was on the verge of going to her room and confiscating her stereo, when he realized that she wasn't in the house.

He walked very quietly to the door of her room, took a deep breath, and turned the door knob, adopting a fighting stance as soon as the door swung open.

Alex was greeted by a sight that was so traumatizing, he knew that it would be implanted in his poor brain forever.

Eagle was in the room, dancing (not too badly), and singing along (very terribly) to the song.

"CAN'T READ MY, CAN'T READ MY, NO HE CAN'T READ MY, POKER FACE! SHE'S GOT TO LOVE NOBODY… CAN'T READ MY, CAN'T READ MY, NO HE CAN'T READ MY, POKER FACE…"

His voice faded away when he saw Alex standing in the doorway, mouth agape, and taping him with his cell phone.

Oh, crap.

* * *

An hour later, Eagle was still defending himself.

"It's a good song! And I don't have the CD, One does, WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?!"

Alex just shook his head and collapsed once more with laughter.

Just then, the doorbell rang. Alex, who was expecting Tom to come by, as Tom was horrible at History, and they had just gotten a History assignment, opened the door, still laughing slightly.

He was greeted by a face that he had really, really, hoped to never see again.

Wolf.

"Uh, hi kid… Uh… Is Jack Starbright home?" The man asked, uncomfortably, and Alex fought the urge to leap with joy as he realized he had not been recognized.

"Depends on which one you're talking about. If you are talking about the immature twenty-something year old guy, he's here. On the other hand, if you are asking about the fiery redheaded woman whose cooking might kill you, she's not."

"Uh… The immature guy." Wolf answered, still puzzling over the fact that the teen that had opened the door looked vaguely familiar.

He shrugged it off.

"JACK NUMBER TWO, YOU HAVE A VISITOR WHO WILL SOON BE SEEING A CERTAIN VIDEO IF YOU DO NOT GET THE HELL OVER HERE IN TEN SECONDS!" Alex yelled.

Eagle was there within two.

"Don't you dare show him!" He started yelling at Alex, who innocently raised his eyebrows and asked, "Show him what?"

Eagle pushed Alex away, and went back to Wolf, realizing that the latter had not recognized Cub. 'Thank whatever greater power in the Universe that Wolf hasn't realized.' He thought. One K-Unit-Cub reunion was more than enough for his lifetime.

That is, if Eagle didn't want to die from a heart attack.

Which he didn't! Thank you very much!

Alex heard Wolf ask "So, what'd the kid mean when he said 'Which Jack Starbright?'"

And then Eagle said. "Uh…"

He cracked up.

So far, all in all, not a bad day…

* * *

Alex was careful to stay upstairs, planning to stay up there until Wolf left.

But when Jack 1, arrived home, he just had to hear what was happening.

So he sneaked onto the stairs, where he would be able to hear.

"TWO! I'M HOME!" She yelled.

Alex heard Wolf snickering… Apparently Eagle had explained the One, Two, thing…

From his vantage point, he was able to see her step into the kitchen where she stood shocked at the extra man, sitting at the table with her brother. "Uh… Hello…"

Wolf nodded and mumbled a "Hi.."

"Two, who's your guest?" She asked her sibling slowly.

"Uh… This is Wolf… My Unit leader."

Jack the Original, glared a bit at the baffled SAS man (who just couldn't figure out why Eagle's cute sister was giving him the eye daggers), and then went upstairs, where she saw Alex.

"Did he recognize you?" She asked.

"We had a spot of luck for a minute. He didn't."

She nodded slowly, and then tilted her head to the side. "He was cute…"

He stared at her wide-eyed. "Don't you dare."

"Well he was!" She defended herself.

"Please Jack! Not him!" Alex begged.

She scoffed. "I said cute. Not ruggedly handsome. And you know I go for the ruggedly handsome type!"

Alex shuddered. "Sure… Just as long as you don't date him…"

She squealed. "Does that mean I can marry him!?"

"NO!"

She laughed. "I was just joking…"

He sighed with relief.

"I'll elope!"

Oh God…

She walked into her room, Alex trailing behind her.

"Uh, Alex? Why is my Lady Gaga CD in the stereo?"

* * *

**AN:**

**(1): Poker Face is by Lady Gaga… Not my favorite singer, but my friend was playing it really loudly while I was typing this chapter, and one thing led to another…**

**Happy New Year!!!!!!!! *****confetti blasts from the ceiling* Damn it! The balloons didn't fall! **

**I'm very happy right now. But, I have a rather sizable problem. I have writer's block. I just… I can't figure out how Wolf is supposed to find out, or if he should find out at all, or if… or if I should kill him off! Or maybe Ben... Jack? Jack II?  
**

**Please help. Really. I'm begging here. I have NO IDEA what to do. **

**Please leave feedback and ideas (HAPPY NEW YEAR!),**

**Marie (the Magical Arrow will point you to your mouse's destination).**

**l **

**l**

**V**


	6. Embarrassing Moments of a SAS Soldier

**AN: *Hides behind desk* I'm so sorry for not updating sooner! I was just so busy! I have a waste of time class that we got a ton of homework from, and....ugh... So boring. Anyways, onto other stuff. I got a lot of reviews last chapter. :) Me happy. Please review again!  
**

**Disclaimer: Alex Rider will belong to me only when pigs fly, a caterpillar eats a lion, and I'll travel back in time…. In other words, never.**

**A Coincidental Relative**

**Chapter 6**

**The Embarrassing Moments of an Unnamed Soldier**

* * *

Alex didn't know what was funnier, seeing Eagle in the hospital glaring at the television screen, or seeing him wince everytime he replayed 'The Embarrassments of Eagle, and Maybe Even the Rest of K-Unit.'

So far it only had the three clips of Eagle embarrassing himself, when Jack and Alex had led him to believe Alex was her son, when Eagle had done that _marvelous _expression of a trout, and of course, his wonderful rendition of 'Poker Face'.

As to why Two was in the hospital, To make it short, Eagle had tripped down the stairs.

He had broken his arm and cracked a rib, so he had to stay in the hospital for about two nights…

Needless to say, Alex was quite enjoying torturing him…

"Alex, I'm only going to ask one more time… Please, if you care about me at all… Please toss all of those DVDs into the fireplace!"

Alex stared at him.

Eagle sighed. "Fine, I'll do better… If you throw all of those DVDs away, I will show you the video recordings of Wolf flirting with girls… It's terrible, and scarring, but I think you can handle it…"

"Deal."

However, before Alex could remove the DVD from the DVD player, something amazingly wonderful, and yet at the same time, completely terrible, happened.

A member of K-Unit walked into the room.

And saw what was playing on the screen.

And laughed.

"Wow, Eagle. I knew you liked weird American music, but this? This is extreme…"

Snake paused, seemingly in thought. "Who taped this? They might have to go to therapy for seeing it first-hand…"

Eagle, obviously not having a mouth filter, and being permanently diagnosed with word vomit, blurted out. "Alex did!"

"Alex?" Snake asked.

"The boy standing in the corner, currently being ignored." Alex spoke.

Snake swung his head around. Unlike the others, he hadn't forgotten Cub. No… On the contrary. He had thought about him. Wondering what the kid was doing in the SAS camp, and later, as Wolf had told them, on a mission in the Alps. So when he saw Alex, he instantly realized the truth.

"CUB!" He yelled, jumping about a foot in shock.

Alex clapped slowly. "You're the only one to realize it from first sight. For Eagle it took a comment about Wolf being disappointed… And I haven't even tried to make Wolf figure out it's me…"

Snake looked confused, but decided not to voice the obvious question, instead asking a different, but in no way less important, one.

"Ah… How, may I ask, did your eardrums not bleed when you heard Eagle's screeching?"

Alex contemplated his answer, over exaggerating his thoughtful expression to annoy Eagle.

"IT IS SINGING! NOT SCREECHING! IT IS NOT MY FAULT IF YOU CULTURAL DUNGBOMBS CAN'T APPRECIATE ART!" He yelled at them.

They burst out laughing at his furious face.

Eagle fumed for a few minutes, until he realized that his unit-mate, and almost-nephew weren't going to stop laughing at him anytime soon.

Snake and Alex calmed down after a few minutes of continuous laughter.

Finally, Snake puzzling over the past few minutes, asked "Wait, Eagle, why is Cub visiting you?"

Alex, still breathless from the laughter, couldn't answer, so Eagle took it unto himself. "Well, you see Snake, Cub is my life-partner. We met at a club and just hit it off,"

Cub, making a full recovery (aided by his shock), quickly yelled out, "LIAR! Snake, the truth is, my guardian is his sister, and he isn't smart enough to support himself, so he had to move with us. I'm under the impression he gambled away all his money…"

This time it was Eagle who reacted. "HEY! THOSE PEOPLE HAD A WELL THOUGHT OUT SYSTEM!"

Alex and Snake stared at him. Eagle flinched. "Just forget what I just said… Alright?"

The boy looked thoughtful. "I'll mention that to Jack unless, you let me send the DVDs to everyone I know, and maybe even people I don't…."

Eagle looked as though he was in a fire, and the firefighters told him that in order for him to get out, they'd have to castrate him. "But… but… but…"

"Do you want me to tell Jack that you bet a ton of money on hobos, or do you want me to send a little DVD to a few people, and post a little video on my unpopular Youtube channel, where no one will see it?"

"But… But… Fine." He sighed. "Youtube."

Alex smirked. "Good." Then, all for dramatic exits, he grabbed a DVD, spinned on his heel and walked out, returning a moment later to tell Snake that his DVD would be coming in the mail soon, causing Eagle to attempt to throw a bed-side lamp at his head. However, the lamp was still plugged into the wall, so Alex emerged from the hospital unscathed.

* * *

A week later, the whole city of London was laughing at the video of, 'The Embarrassing Moments of an Unnamed Soldier.' Eagle was blurry enough for some random person to not recognize him on the street, but clear enough so that every person who watched it, and knew Eagle, could recognize the poor man.

The lucky recipients of the DVDs spent nearly every waking minute burning more copies and sending them to other people who knew Eagle, kind of like a chain email. Except, these mailed DVDs weren't chucked into spam.

Sooner or later, Eagle knew, the Sergeant would receive a DVD. And that, not what Wolf's reaction would be, scared him the most.

After all, Wolf had put up with him for the better part of a year, and no matter what he would do to him when they went back on duty, it couldn't be at all worse than what the Sergeant would do to him! …Right?

It wasn't until he realized what his sister would do when she found the video that he was scared for his life.

And he knew that Alex had slipped it into the TV, and that his sister always turned on the television first thing when she came home from work! (She was a part time environmental lawyer).

Cub was a crafty bugger, that was for sure.

But unfortunately, Eagle was out clubbing the night before, and had the worst hangover in the history of bad hangovers, so he couldn't do a thing about it.

It was only a matter of time…

Tired of waiting, Eagle napped. Really, he took a nap. No, Alex didn't slip him hypno-pills, and tell him to take a nap, he decided to take a nap, and took a nap!

Needless to say, Alex took plenty of pictures for the sequel to 'The Embarrassing Moments of an Unnamed Soldier'.

And of course, just like Alex had plotted, Jack had come home, sat down on the couch, and turned on the television.

She didn't stop laughing for about ten minutes.

Finally, she barged into the guest room, shook her brother awake, and punched him lightly.

"OOOOOW! What was that for?" He whined.

"That was for taking my Lady Gaga CD without permission!" She yelled, still giggling slightly.

He rubbed his arm and scowled, but he knew that the punishment could've been a lot worse… Eagle had seen what his sister had done to that boyfriend who cheated on her…

That guy probably still had nightmares about it…

Jackie Starbright wasn't a woman to be tampered with.

Which was exactly why Eagle didn't speak up about how she was being an abusive person, and how Alex should call the police for child abuse.

* * *

Later that night, Eagle walked into his sister's room only to see her in a completely inappropriate dress, and high heels.

"Where are you going dressed like that?" He asked.

"Date." She answered, and turned from the mirror, placing her hands on her hips. "How do I look?"

He shook his head. "Completely inappropriate. That dress is too short and far too low-cut!"

She rolled her eyes. "Two, I got by for many years without your opinion on my dresses, I can go a bit longer."

One grabbed her keys from the bedside table, and walked out of the room.

Eagle stared at her for a second before running into Alex's room.

"CUB! CUB! CUB!!!!" He yelled, much to Alex's annoyance. Couldn't a guy do his torturous algebra in peace?"

"What, Eagle?" The boy demanded.

"One is going on a date!" He yelled at Cub.

"So? She goes on dates all the time!"

"But, she might get hurt! We need to make sure that the guy doesn't do anything bad to her!

"You mean spy on her?" Alex raised an eyebrow.

…Eagle had no answer.

"You know what she'll do to us if she catches us?" He asked incredulously.

"But-but, you know people! They can spy on her!"

Alex shook his head. "They spy on her today, I'm in Guam trying to stop a madman tomorrow."

Two tilted his head to the side. "What do you mean? The Mountain thing Wolf told us about was a one-time thing… right?"

This time, Alex didn't answer.

"Right?"

"Not exactly…"

"What do you mean?"

Alex sighed. He knew what was coming, and he knew how to deal with it. He had been dreading it. "I mean no. That wasn't my first mission, and definitely not my last."

Eagle gaped at him. But he didn't stay speechless for long. "Tell me. Everything."

Alex smirked. "Everything would take too long. But I'll give you the basics. My uncle was a spy. He was killed on a mission. MI6 found me, cornered me, and told me that my Uncle had been preparing me for being a spy. They were going to take away Jack's visa. I had to go on a mission. I nearly died. Then, I got into a bit of trouble when I literally dropped some drug dealers onto the police's doorstep… Don't look at me like that! The crane was unguarded! It was the construction site workers' fault! Anyways, that was the 'Mountain' mission. Then, I was sent to Wimbleton as a ball boy. I pissed off a Chinese Triad, and they came back to haunt me. MI6 insisted that I would be more safe on a misson with two CIA agents. I wasn't. They died pretty quickly, and I was nearly blown sky-high… As would half the rest of the world…. Anyways, then I found out about this guy… MI6 didn't believe me. They told me I was being crazy. They nearly caused World War Three. I went rogue, and went after the guy myself. He took my near-girlfriend hostage, and made me play out a video game in a way that I'd never thought of before… In real life. It was terrible. That day, an assassin gave his life for me. The assassin was ordered to kill me, but didn't… He told me that he knew my dad, and if I went to Venice, I would find my answers. I did, of course… I needed to know if he was telling the truth… It took a long time, and in the time I pissed off Scorpia. But I learned the truth… Well, part of it… Anyways, turns out, that my Dad was an MI6 agent in deep cover. He was a Scorpia assassin and had trained the assassin who had been ordered to kill me… Dad died by a bomb. They didn't know who did it. After I figured out the truth, Scorpia tried to assassinate me… They failed. In the hospital, I met a boy… There were kidnappers, and I posed as him so he wouldn't get kidnapped… Paul was grateful, and invited me to a vacation. His dad, however, turned out to be an evil dude who wanted to blow up the Pentagon with a hotel in space. I went up to space, got into a fight, fell into an ocean, was rescued, and was sent on another mission… The only reason I didn't refuse was because I was going to be working with my Godfather. Ash. Turns out, he was the biggest traitor since… ever." Alex fumbled with the words. This was still a sensitive spot.

"He had betrayed my Dad to Scorpia. He had planted the bomb that killed both my parents. A bomb that would've killed me too if I hadn't stayed home with an ear infection. He died, and I felt like saying, 'Et tu, Brute?'" Alex chuckled darkly "I went home, relaxed for a while, and then, MI6 sent me on a mission… again. I infiltrated the Chinese Triads… Turns out MI6 was just being paranoid. I can't blame them. So, now that I've told you my life story, will you please shut your mouth and at least try to look intelligent?"

Eagle shut his gaping mouth, and his hand jerked, as if to comfort Alex, who seemed to be taking the whole thing better than Eagle was.

"So, we're not spying on One?" He asked slowly.

Alex grinned. "Course we are! She won't kill me if I tell her I spilled to you, she's been bugging me to do it for ages!"

"What about me?"

"You, we may have to break out a police hostage negotiation book for. But no matter, live in the present, don't fear the future!"

"Too late…" Eagle whispered. Being the brother of the explosive redhead, he knew so much of her temper… And never again would he want to be on the receiving end of it…

A little known fact about Jack: She wasn't a pyro, but she could make some damn good explosives…

He shook himself out of his faze when he noticed Alex staring at him.

"What?"

Alex shook his head. "Nothing… just wondering why you were staring at the opposite wall for about ten minutes…"

"It was not ten minutes!"

Cub just pointed at the clock.

"SEE! It's only…" Eagle's voice faded away.

"Only what?" Alex asked, enjoying himself.

"Only ten minutes since I started my zone out…" Eagle muttered in a low voice.

Alex clapped his hands together briskly. "Good! Now that we've cleared that up, let's go to the Ivy Vine."

"The... The Ivy Vine? But… That's the most expensive restaurant I know of! Is that where One is going?" Eagle stammered.

"No. I just wanted to get good food." Said the boy dryly.

The man across from him tilted his head to the side, confused.

"Yes, that's where Jack is going!"

"Then why didn't you say so?" Eagle cried out.

Alex rolled his eyes and muttered something about unappreciated sarcasm.

And off, SAS man and Teenaged Mini Bond went, on a mission with such high stakes, it was uncertain whether or not they would return from it…

**AN:**

**Huh…. I really liked writing this chapter! And it was long! WHOOO! :) I'm proud of myself. I did have writer's block right about when Snake went out of the chapter, but then I thought of Jack going out on a date, and VOILA! Words flowed!**

**Anyways, the reason I chose Snake to be the first is because Ben would instantly recognize Alex, Wolf would blow up, and Eagle…. Already knows.**

**So please review and tell me who (other than someone in K-Unit) should meet Alex somewhere, when, and where. It can be anyone. Anytime. ANYWHERE! Please! I need help! I'm writing ahead a bit, and I can't think of ANYTHING!  
**

**Needing Input,**

**Very Badly,**

**Marie**


	7. How to Completely Ruin a Date

**AN: ....Hey there.... *hides behind a shield to protect self from flying rotten fruit and vegetables* Now I KNOW that you people all want to give me a terrible, slow, and hugely painful death that goes on for at least a year, but if you did that, then this story wouldn't be finished... Anyways, I don't really have an excuse... Just every time I tried writing, I couldn't write. I'm sure everyone can relate. So without further ado, let me direct your attention to the disclaimer!  
**

**Disclaimer: If Alex Rider belonged to me, I wouldn't be writing something with Disclaimer on it… Not mine people! **

**Chapter 7**

**How to Completely Ruin Chances of a Second Date  
**

* * *

Eagle stared at Alex.

"What?" The boy snapped.

"Nothing… just wondering how you haven't crashed yet…" The man answered, still staring at his youngest unit mate nervously.

Alex rolled his eyes.

Eagle had lost his keys, and after a frantic five minutes of searching, declared that if Alex found the keys he could drive.

Alex had rolled his eyes, walked to the garage, and looked at the key hook, that was on the wall.

Eagle had swore, and reluctantly let Alex drive, believe that he would die in a car crash that very night.

At first he had covered his eyes, and prayed to a god that he had never prayed to unless to shout out 'Jesus Christ!' when he was shot at on the field.

Then, he had childishly peeked through his fingers to look at Alex, who was driving the car calmly, professionally, and even better than Eagle himself could drive.

"My uncle taught me how to drive when I was around twelve." He answered Eagle's unasked question.

Finally, they pulled up at the restaurant.

Alex turned to Eagle. "Alright, what's our cover story?"

"Cover story?"

Alex rolled his eyes once again. Really. It was becoming a reflex when he was around Eagle.

"Well, we can't just go bursting in there without a good reason!"

The man across from him nodded slowly. He was getting it… he thought…

Alex tried to resist rolling his eyes, but couldn't help it. "Alright. If anyone asks, you're my uncle who's treating me to a good dinner because you're old fashioned and I came out on top of my class. Alright?"

Eagle nodded slowly.

This time, Alex managed to keep his eyes still. "All right. We're going in."

They walked into the restaurant. There was a woman who led them to a table. They sat down and ordered their drinks. A coke for Alex, and just water for Eagle, who would've ordered a beer, but he had realized that he was on a "mission" and couldn't drink. His soldier persona was coming through.

When their menus came, Eagle told his 'nephew', "Don't order anything too expensive. I'm not made of money!"

Alex just chuckled and ordered some parmesan chicken. Eagle ordered a steak. They sat, eating quietly, looking around for signs of Jack.

"There!" Alex exclaimed nodding his head to a table not far off.

There sat Jack, in the inappropriate dress, laughing at what the man across from her was saying.

They both studied the man. Both of them instantly disliked what they saw. Alex saw an arrogant man, who was probably a manager of some random company that no one had ever heard of. The man was moderately handsome, and had the beginnings of a beer belly. He looked like he was moderately wealthy, and probably just wanted a trophy girlfriend.

Eagle thought he looked like a bastard. That was the extent of his body language identification.

The waiter walked over to where Jack was sitting, and handed them the check.

"Damn." Alex said. "It's too early for the date to be over, we have to leave, and follow them to their next place.

Alex quickly paid for the meal using Eagle's credit card, and forging his signature. While Eagle was still whining about not getting dessert.

They jumped out to the car, and Alex focused on following the car. Occasionally shouting out things like "Eagle, keep an eye on them! I need to give the driver who cut me off the middle finger!"

Eventually, they made it to a club.

A very busy club, called _Lunar Eclipse _that was full of people.

In other words, Alex and co. were screwed.

* * *

Alex somehow got in with no difficulty. Eagle was nearly dying with the apprehension, as he thought that Alex would get caught.

But Alex just flashed a fake ID, and when the bouncer asked what the matter with his 'friend' was, Alex just lied coolly "He was in a long term relationship for a while…he hasn't been in the dating scene for a while."

Once inside the club, Alex instantly started looking for his housekeeper, while Eagle decided to enjoy himself, and ordered a vodka with cranberry juice. He had realized that he wasn't going to be driving the car anytime soon…

Meanwhile, Alex had spotted Jack, dancing on the dance floor with her date.

He elbowed Eagle, who was enjoying his alcoholic drink, and hissed "Fire Girl and Rich Dude, 3 o'clock."

"Who what now where?" The older man asked, slightly confused.

Alex rolled his eyes. "Jack and her date to your right."

Eagle looked to his left.

The boy accompanying him groaned. "Your _other _right."

"Oh!" He looked in the right direction, and saw Jack leaving in the direction of the restrooms, and her date going up to the bar.

"Here's our chance." Alex whispered, and calmly walked over to where the man was sitting.

"What? Hey! Alex! Wait!" The man caught up to Alex. "Just what are we going to do?"

"We are going to start talking about hot girls, and see how he reacts. If he reacts in a 'No way! I'm on a date!' way, we don't kill him. On the other hand, if he seems interested in the girls we point out, we wait for him to drive Jack home, then we call, telling her that we're running late from the football game we were supposed to be going to because of traffic, we tail him back to his house, and give him hell. Got it?"

Eagle nodded. "Operation Protect Jack By Seeing What Her Date Is Like begins now."

Noticing Alex's odd look, he added. "Snake usually comes up with the mission names…"

They arrived to where The Date was sitting.

Cub and Eagle sat down and started looking around. Suddenly, Alex nudged The Date.

"Hey" he said. "That blonde over there seems interested in you… You should go talk to her…"

The Date looked over at the blonde, who was, in actuality looking in his direction (actually, the blonde was quite interested in Eagle, but The Date was vain enough to think she was looking at him). He sighed sadly. "I wish. I'm on a date. A hot redhead. I'm hoping we'll get to second base tonight…"

Eagle clenched his hands into fists at the sound of that, but he refrained from punching the guts out of the man, thinking that if Jack came back from the bathroom at that moment, she would do worse to him.

Alex, on the other hand, just steamed inside, and showed no negative emotion. Instead he said. "Well, you can still give her your number, maybe if things don't work out for you and Red…"

The Date nodded, a smirk spreading across his face. "You're right. If she doesn't put out, I'll just call that girl up. Good idea. I have to give her my number quickly though, my date will be back any second."

Eagle was now choking the air underneath the bar counter, while Alex still showed no emotion, except an encouraging smile.

"Go on."

The Date went, and finally Alex showed some of the raging anger inside him. "That bastard!" He growled, so low that Eagle could barely hear him.

The Date successfully gave the blonde his number, and got hers before Jack came back from the restroom. He thanked Alex, who said "Don't mention it."

And then the teen and Eagle walked out of the club.

The second they got into the car, they quickly drove back to the house, and parked around the corner.

In about thirty minutes, they saw Jack and The Date pull up at the house.

Jack went out of the car, and they scowled when they saw The Date get out as well. Eagle was actually praying that he wouldn't go inside, while Alex thought that if The Date went inside, he might actually have a little target practice…

Thankfully, Jack told him something, and Alex smirked. The Date looked disappointed, but kissed Jack (at this time Eagle crumpled the empty can of soda that he had just drunk, while Alex just sent out a murderous glare that probably should've killed The Date on the spot… sadly, it didn't), and got back into the car, and drove off. Instantly, Alex turned the key in the ignition, and shot after him, always staying a few cars back.

"What do you think Jack said?" Eagle asked the teen.

"She said, 'Well, I'm really tired. I'll call you tomorrow, goodnight!'" Alex said triumphantly.

"How do you know?"

"MI6 made me learn to lip-read."

"Really?"

Alex nodded.

"That's so cool!" Eagle kept enthusing about the awesomeness of lip-reading while Alex tailed The Date.

* * *

Soon, The Date pulled up at a house.

"Whoah." Both teen and man said.

It was a huge white manor, with a balcony, and a large fancy French door.

Alex shook himself out of his house admiration phase, and parked a bit down the street.

They waited for a few minutes before walking up the long driveway, and going to the door. Alex looked at Eagle, who nodded, and then knocked on the door.

The Date opened it, and saw them, and instead of being suspicious, suddenly burst out 'Hey! You're the guys from the club! Come in! Come in!"

Eagle was making no attempt to mask his awe at the house, while Alex didn't let anything show.

"Nice place you got here." Alex commented.

"Yeah, it is nice isn't it?" The Date arrogantly exclaimed. "I bought most of this stuff when I was drunker then I am now, but I hired some interior decorators to fix it up. They did a great job!"

Alex nodded. So the man was drunk. That would explain why he hadn't asked them how they knew where he lived.

On the other hand, he had driven Jack home, which made the two of them even angrier at The Date.

Meanwhile, The Date was still talking. "So the Redhead, whatever her name is was 'tired', so I didn't get any relief, so I called the blonde up. She'll be here in an hour. Thanks for hooking me up."

Eagle caught Alex's eye, and nodded.

Alex opened his mouth to speak, but Eagle beat him to it. "See, that's what we wanted to talk to you about. I'm 'the Redhead's' brother. And I'm kind of hoping to beat you up by the end of this hour."

The boy sitting next to him had a sudden urge to bang his head against the table. Could Eagle have been any more blunt?

The Date paled. "W-What's the other guy doing here then?"

Alex smiled sinisterly. "Well, you see, 'The Redhead' is my guardian, and I was kind of hoping to hurt you very much after 'the brother' is done with you."

The Date paled even more. "C-Can't you not beat me up?"

Alex put on a mockingly thoughtful face. "Weeeeell," He drawled. "I _suppose _we could, but we'd need something in return…"

"Please! I'll give you anything!"

Alex smirked. "For starters, break up with 'the Redhead', and tell her you were cheating on her. Then, we need one thousand dollars. Each."

Eagle looked at Alex, confused. He thought that they were going to beat the guy up! Where was the fun in negotiating? And then, a thought came to him. "And, you have to give us that laptop." He said, pointing to a brand-new touch screen laptop. The kind that Eagle had wanted for so long, but couldn't afford.

"B-B-But…" The man's voice faded away when he saw Alex cracking his knuckles. "Fine."

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Eagle and Alex were leaving the manor with one thousand dollars (in cash) each, and the man commonly referred to as an animal couldn't be happier, with the laptop case in his arms.

"That turned out well, don't you think?!" Said the man enthusiastically, practically skipping along.

Alex sighed. "Yes. But soon, there will be another Date, who will also be in need of tailing." He suddenly had a strange glint in his eye. "I'll have enough money for university within weeks!" **(1)**

Man and boy laughed, as they walked to the car.

So far the night had gone great.

If Jack didn't find out what they were really doing, the night would've been great.

But all the two could do was cross their fingers and hope.

* * *

**(1): In the US, university tuition costs a lot, I'm not sure how it is in the UK...**

**AN: **

**Soo… what do you think? Personally, I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. I had quite a few blocks along the way, but it was all very fun. :) Please comment and tell me what you think should happen next. Oh, and I have a question for you all...:**

**If you had to read a story about Alex, would you rather read about him on his missions, or trying to behave normally... When we all know that someone as insanely hot and talented as him can never be normal...?  
**

**Please please please please give me some ideas,**

**Marie AKA: the Guilty Author Who Should Be Cast Into The Iron Maiden For Not Updating Sooner  
**


	8. The Letter

**AN: *hides away from angry mob with torches and pitchforks* Hi there! Now I know I haven't updated since March, but I was having a really horrible writer's block, and had no time to write. But now, it's summer, and hopefully, you can count on regular updates from now on... So you see, there's no real reason to kill me!...so please don't kill me...**

**Disclaimer: My name is Marie, and I am an Alex Rider fanfictionholic. ("Hi Marie"). I've been sent here to say that I don't own Alex Rider in anyway…yet…**

**A Coincidental Relative**

**Chapter 8**

**The Letter**

* * *

A week passed. There were three more Date Stakeouts.

Jack the Red hadn't yet found out why all of her dates kept canceling her second dates.

Although she had found out that she was a magnet for men who cheat. All of them had called and confessed.

There was, however, a very bad incident involving Alex's schoolmates and Eagle. It all happened when Alex went to the movies...

Alex, Tom, Frank, James, Lily and Emily were standing, waiting for their rides to come. They had planned to go to a pizza place around the corner, but they had misplanned, and the place was closed. "Oh, here's my ride." Tom said, as his mother pulled up in her van.

Alex was going to walk home as soon as his friends got their rides home, and he had sent a text message telling Jack to expect him in an hour or so.

Soon James's dad came, and picked James and his cousin Lily up, **(1) **so Alex was left with Frank and Emily.

They chatted for a while, while Emily whined about how her little sister read her diary and now knew about her huge crush on James, which _everyone _knew already, except for James himself.

Then, a car pulled up, the window slid down, and there was Eagle, grinning at him. "Hey, Alex! Hop in!"

Frank and Emily exchanged puzzled looks, as they hadn't heard about Jack having a boyfriend, or about Alex having relatives of any kind.

Alex grimaced, and waved half-heartedly to his friends before sliding into the car.

Eagle hummed along to the radio, which was playing some weird American band that Alex had never heard of, although the tune was slightly familiar.

When they reached the house, Alex jumped out of the car, and ran off to his room, eager to be alone, away from the annoyance of Eagle singing along to the radio. With a tape recorder and a giant speaker, he could have a weapon of mass destruction.

* * *

The next day at school, came interrogation time.

"Who was that man?"

"He was HOT! Is he single?"

"I've never seen him before in my life… I think… come to think of it, he looked slightly familiar..."

"Never mind if he was familiar, what's his phone number!"

Alex laughed. "One at a time guys… That man was Jack's brother, he's living with us because his roommate moved out, and he didn't have enough money to pay rent himself. He is single, although if you get romantically involved with him, I will yell pedophile every time I see him. He's familiar because he looks like Jack, and… I don't know his phone number… I should probably get it!"

"Aww! You don't have his phone number? How rude!"

After Alex had enough sense to realize that Lily was joking about the phone number thing (at least, he hoped she was joking…), the conversation had moved on to other topics.

Gossip.

"So, I heard that Luke is going to break up with Hannah because she cheated on him with Austin."

"No. I talked to her, he cheated on her with Britney!"

"I heard that he only cheated on her, so she would break up with him."

"He's obviously just using Britney! I mean, look at her! She's so stupid, and evil! I hate her!"

"Did you hear what happened to her?"

"What?"

"So on Monday, she lost her phone. On Tuesday she was going to look in the Lost and Found in the main office, when a random dude handed her friend Kristen a package, and told Kristen to give it to Britney. When she opened it, she saw her phone, painted in nail polish, with the words 'F*** you b****' on it. She and the Headmistress looked at the security tapes, and everything, but they couldn't find who did it. She's going around accusing people who she knows really hate her." **(2)**

The whole table, except for Alex, who was eating his food calmly, turned to look at Britney, who was in the lunch line, waiting to get food.

Lily voiced her thoughts. "I hate Britney, but I'd never do anything like that!"

An echo of "Same" went around the table.

Alex looked with pity at the star of their conversation. He remembered how terrible it was to be the center of all gossip. Britney was a real drama queen, and she was really rude, and a total teacher's pet, but no one deserved to be gossiped about.

* * *

The next day, two letters arrived at the Rider/Starbright house.

They were addressed to Mr. Jack Starbright, and to Mr. Alex Rider.

From the Government.

No, it wasn't a court summons. It was an SAS reunion.

And not just any reunion. Every single unit that had trained in Brecon Beacons the same year as K-Unit had.

That meant Alex, along with Ben, K-Unit, and a heck of a lot of SAS men.

The Armageddon was approaching quickly.

* * *

"You what." Jack said, with a stony face.

Alex and Eagle shrank back in their chairs.

"It's not our fault!" Alex protested. "It's the governments! The government, or at least the army and special intelligence part of it, is to blame!"

Jack's eye twitched.

It actually twitched, and at that moment, Alex seriously feared for his life.

He was considering making a run for the bomb shelter that Ian had installed.

The explosion came quickly. The dinner was suddenly off the plates and the platters, and suddenly on the wall.

"DO YOU EXPECT ME TO GO TO PARENT'S NIGHT WITHOUT THE KID?"

Alex and Eagle stared at her, dumbfounded.

"What?"

"Well, I'm not complaining to having the house to myself, the SAS can take you both for a month as far as I'm concerned! But Parent's night at Brookland is in a week, and I will NOT lie and say you're sick or something!" Jack defended herself.

The man and teenager continued to stare at her.

"Stare any longer, and you'll wake up castrated."

Two seats were vacated in half a millisecond.

Jack sat back, satisfied. Things couldn't have worked out better. Now, she could go to that spa retreat along with her friends without worrying about how the house would be burned to ashes by the time she got back.

Life was good… Well, at least for her.

For Alex, he felt like, well, let's just say that if you compared that one time when he learned that the school had searched his locker to find out where he was during his absences, to now, it would be like comparing an ice cube to Antarctica.

He was murderous.

He would've refused to go, but MI6 had attached another piece of paper in the envelope.

It offered to pay Alex for all of his missions. Past and future. He knew that they couldn't survive on Ian's savings forever. They needed that money, and it was a small service to spend two weeks in a place very closely resembling hell.

Well…. No…. NO! It was worth it! And assassinating Blunt wouldn't make anything better! That way the terrorists would attack! But there was always Mrs. Jones… NO! Assassinating your boss is a bad thing! …But his boss HAD blackmailed him… NO! BAD ALEX! NO THINKING ABOUT EXIT STRATEGIES FROM THE ROYAL AND GENERAL! **(3)**

"What are you thinking about?" Eagle asked, sitting down next to Alex, who was sitting on the couch, staring unseeingly at the television, which was playing the news.

"World domination." Alex replied without skipping a beat.

Eagle scoffed. "Well, I'M thinking about the look on Wolf's face when he realizes who you are! And that he didn't recognize you earlier! Ha! It'll be classic! I'll need a video camera though…"

Alex paled. He had forgotten about the whole Wolf encounter.

Eagle snapped his head up. "Oh yeah! Fox'll be there too!"

Alex sighed with relief. That way, there would be some attention on Ben, and thus, not on him. That might help…

"And Wolf is driving us to Brecons." Eagle continued.

The teenager sitting next to him suddenly had a strong urge to strangle the bearer of bad news.

The mailman would pay… **(4)**

And Eagle too, of course. Couldn't Fox have picked them up? Alex voiced the last thought aloud.

"Well, I suppose he could've… But Wolf told me that I wouldn't be able to get a ride anywhere because I'm too hyper, and to be thankful that his wife told him to pick me up. I don't want to say he's whipped, but…" the man trailed off and laughed.

Alex smiled hesitantly. "I suppose it's too late to call Fox and ask him to pick us up."

Eagle shrugged. "I don't know his phone number, so I can't call him anyways."

He cursed under his breath. He _could _call Ben, but then he would have to explain to Eagle just how he knew his phone number.

Wolf driving, or revealing how he knew Ben. Of course, he would have to say how he knew Ben sooner or later.

He would've chosen later, but he _really _didn't want to face Wolf.

Which was the lesser of the two evils? Alex didn't know. But he would have to decide. And soon.

* * *

The next day rolled around too quickly for Alex's liking.

In other words, if that day was a living creature, Alex would have pummeled the crap out of it, and maybe shot it a few times by now.

Eagle ran around like a chicken with his head cut off. "Where's my shampoo? I can't find my underwear! Alex, have you seen my First Aid kit?"

Alex snapped around. "First Aid Kit? I thought Snake was the medic!"

Eagle shook his head. "No. He was, until I revealed that I was a paramedic before I joined the army. Then, Snake gave me the job, and willingly. He hated being a medic! He got kind of sick at seeing the injuries. They are pretty gruesome…"

Alex shook his head. "No. I haven't seen it."

Jack II sighed and continued his award winning impersonation of a decapitated chicken.

The boy watching him seemed to tire of his antics, and sat down on the couch reaching for the remote before he remembered that Jack One had taken it and hidden it because apparently, even if football was on, Alex and Eagle were not supposed to rip the remote out of Jack's hands, and proceed to push her off the couch (ACCIDENTALLY!).

So, he sat there for a few minutes, just taking in the comforting house, and how much he hated the thought of leaving it to go to…Brecon Beacons (in Alex's mind, whenever those words were said, he heard that DUN DUN DUNNNN music. This made Alex believe that maybe he _should've_ seen a therapist… but on the other hand, therapist was the same as 'the rapist' and that didn't sound good….).

A few minutes after Alex had shouted out 'Hey Eagle! Sing Poker Face!', just because he was bored, and knew that the older man couldn't kill him because the Sergeant might get suspicious of why Cub was missing, the doorbell rang.

"I'LL GET IT!" Eagle yelled running towards the door, but it was too late.

Alex had already opened the door, and walked out with his bag. He shouted a goodbye to his housekeeper, and slammed the door in a surprised Jack II's face.

Ben looked shocked as well. "Was that Eagle?"

"Long story. Let's go." Alex said, getting into Ben's Porsche, slinging his bag by his feet.

Daniels shrugged, not wanting to press the issue, put on his sunglasses, and slammed on the gas.

Eagle was left looking out the window like he was about to cry. "That was a Porsche. A Porsche 911 Turbo...I want to ride in the Porsche..." He probably would've fainted if Wolf hadn't pulled up at that moment, honking the horn, and looking very unhappy with who he was supposed to share a car with for the next few hours on the way to Brecons.

* * *

**(1): Haha… I just noticed the Harry Potter names… whoops! (I did that on accident)**

**(2): Not a random story. The whole conversation actually happened at my school, and the cell phone thing actually happened to a girl. I hate her, and I was accused… but anyways, I'm not sure why I put it in here, but I wanted some gossip, so I just stole some from my school.**

**(3): I know that this is EXTREMELY OOC, but in my defense, this is how I think. Yes. I know. I am insane. But I thought, he's a teenager! He's allowed to act insane sometimes!**

**(4): Haha… I read the two lines above that to my friend, and she randomly said 'the mailman will pay…'. Then I realized that Eagle was the bearer of bad news, but the mailman was ultimately responsible for the whole nightmare! I'm pretty happy with my logic. *nods***

**AN: Once again, I apologize for the lack in updates...This year has been hard on me, but I'm not going to bore you with details.. All I'm going to ask you is that you review.**

**Please give me some feedback! **

***holds out a bribery of Alex shaped cookies***

**Still hiding from the angry mob,**

**Marie  
**


	9. The Reunion that Nearly Killed A Teenage

**I am so happy right now... :D I said it would be around a month before I updated, and I was right! Thanks for all the great reviews, I really appreciate them... This chapter is definitely not my favorite, since the beginning is kinda awkward, but I hope you enjoy! **

**AN #2: Umm... Something happened to the chapter, and it disappeared... I also lost all the reviews, so if you can, please leave them again, I'll really appreciate it... If anyone knows whats going on with this, please tell me...  
**

**Disclaimer: I was just told that I didn't own Alex Rider…. I'm going to go cry my eyes out now… Have fun reading…**

**A Coincidental Relative**

**Chapter 9**

**The Reunion that Nearly Killed A Teenager**

* * *

A few hours later, Fox, as he was known at the camp, was greeting all his old friends.

Alex was standing a bit aside, trying not to choke and kill the people who kept saying 'Hey, you, kid! What are you doing here? This isn't preschool you know!' Was it really so hard to believe that the government had blackmailed a teenager into going on serious, life and world-threatening missions, and to train with the SAS, while not telling them that he worked for MI6?

But in reality, he thought they should just get past the fact that a teenager was here, after all, it couldn't have been the first time a kid was here….. There WAS a 'bring your niece/nephew-to-work-day-since-all-you-bastards-are-too-evil-have-a-kid-of-your-own to work day' right?

He was shaken, literally, back to his thoughts by Eagle. "CUB! CUB! OH MY GOD IT'S CUB!" Eagle yelled, while grabbing on to Alex's shoulders and shaking him.

Wow. Either Eagle was worse an actor than Alex had originally thought, or he was just as insane around his unit as he was at home. Hopefully though, it was the second one.

Wolf just nodded to Alex. Though he was wondering why Cub was there.

Alex hadn't wanted people to know that he had to live under the same roof as Eagle, so he had instructed (or threatened, whatever floats your boat) Eagle not to react weirdly to him.

So he just peeled Eagle's hands off him... All the while wondering how Jack could be related to the maniac.

A half hour or so after Eagle and Wolf had arrived, Snake came.

"Hey Ben, Al-Cub!" He nodded to both of them.

Ben frowned. How did Snake know Alex?

The teenager saw his puzzled expression, and just said. "It's complicated"

Ben shrugged, and spoke up. "How about we head to our hut?"

They all agreed, and walked to their hut. Alex trying to look like he remembered where he was going, while he was too lost in his thoughts to even try.

When they arrived at their temporary hut, they walked in, without bothering to knock, not thinking anyone would be inside… How wrong they were…

Sitting on one of the bunks was a man who Alex recognized. A man who he, at the moment wanted to strangle. X-Ray was sitting on one of the bunks, with a book in his hands.

He looked up, and looked surprised. "Alex? Is that you?" He asked disbelievingly.

Alex frantically shook his head, signaling to X-Ray that he didn't want his identity completely revealed.

But when had things ever gone his way?

X-Ray took it as a sign that he wasn't Alex. "Well, you look _exactly _like another kid I know… But he's a spy for MI6…and maybe a part time astronaut!"

Alex walked over to his bunk. He had to resist the urge of hitting his head on the wall, repeatedly. He would just lose brain cells, and it wouldn't be worth it in the long run!

Finally, he spoke up. "Hi X-Ray."

X-Ray jumped up. "SO IT IS YOU! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!" He did a little victory jig, stopping when he saw many eyes staring at him.

"I think I'm gonna like this guy!" Eagle exclaimed. "I'm Eagle!" He yelled, thrusting his hand out at X-Ray to shake.

Ben frowned. "Cub, how do you know this man?"

Alex snorted. "You make it sound like you're my dad and he's a random kidnapper. I met him on one of my missions." He turned to X-Ray. "How did you know about that?"

X-Ray snorted. "It was all around the compound. A boy falling from space isn't something that happens often." The Australian man appeared to possess the wonderful and amazing gift to say the worst possible thing in the worst possible times.

Wolf whirled on Alex. "YOU WHAT?"

"I fell from space." **(1)**

"HOW?"

"Well, laws of gravity state that things are pulled down."

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!"

Alex sighed. "Whatever. I'm going to go unpack."

"YOU CAN TALK WHILE YOU'RE UNPACKING!"

"Wolf, you shouldn't yell so much, you could strain your vocal chords."

A pillow was beat up right then and there. In Alex's opinion, Wolf should get some anger management.

Snake, Fox and Eagle all looked at each other, shrugged, and went to their bunks to unpack, trying to ignore the tension in the room.

X-Ray grabbed his book and resumed reading. In his defense, it was a good book!

After a few minutes, Alex walked over to X-Ray. "Why are you here?"

"Well, I was sent because the Australian SAS wanted a spy in this SAS."

"Really?"

"No. Actually, my family moved here, and I asked for a transfer, I was trained in the same year as these units were, and the higher-ups thought it would be a good way for me to meet my new fellow unit-mates."

"So you're taking Ben's place?"

"Ben?"

"Fox. The man with the short brown hair. He transferred to MI6." Alex shrugged nonchalantly.

"Wait, how do you know that he transferred to MI6? And how the heck do you know his name?" Snake barged into the conversation.

"Long story... Actually, it's a short one... Went on a mission, saw Ben. End of story." Alex turned back to X-Ray.

"Hey! Don't ignore us!" Wolf yelled at the boy's back.

Alex continued talking to X-Ray like nothing was happening.

After a few seconds of Wolf using his vocal chords to the fullest, he got sick of it, and grabbed Alex by the shoulder. Bad move.

Alex calmly and quickly grabbed Wolf's arm that was on his shoulder and twisted it behind the older man's back. "You don't touch me. Got it?"

Wolf could only nod.

"Good."

Alex let go of Wolf's arm, and kept chatting with X-Ray.

Wolf, Snake and Eagle stared at the boy, while Fox listened to his iPod, and pretended not to have noticed the events.

Five minutes later, all the units were to go to the mess hall, for the first official reunion…thing. You see, none of them were actually sure why they were going there, so they just assumed.

When they got to the building, they saw many men going in. Alex remembered quite a few of them from the ten days of hell he had spent at Brecons.

They went inside, unsure of what to expect.

Everything was just as it was before.

The tables, the soldiers, the same cooks that looked like drag queens and ape men…

The only difference was that there was a lot more attention directed towards Alex.

Before, during the training, the soldiers could think that it was an experiment. Now, he had come to the reunion. That meant he was more or less considered SAS.

Which, of course, gave all of them the excuse to gossip like schoolgirls.

Alex, X-Ray, K-Unit and Ben (all of which shall from now on be referred to as just K-Unit and Co.) got their vitamin stuffed mush, and sat down at a table.

"Hey!" Some soldier shouted.

Alex didn't look up from his vita-mush.

"Hey, you!" The same voice shouted.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you!"

'Vita-mush looks like oatmeal, only greener…' Alex thought absentmindedly.

Suddenly, a hand grabbed Alex's shoulder.

He turned around, glaring daggers. "If you would like to keep your head attached to your neck, I suggest that you remove your hand."

The unnamed soldier laughed. "Or what?"

Alex sighed. "Next time, pay attention to my threat." Obviously, listening was not the man's strong point.

Unnamed Soldier snickered. "Hear that?" He yelled out to the crowd of soldiers. "The boy thinks he can mouth off to me?"

A few people laughed with him, but mostly they remained silent, with baited breaths, waiting to see what would happen.

Alex cleared his throat. "Yes. The boy thinks he can mouth off to you."

Unnamed Soldy's eyes flashed and he tried to grab Alex's other shoulder.

Alex dodged the grab, punched the man's kidney, grabbed the man's arm, and threw him onto the ground.

He then sat on him.

"Anyone else have a problem with me?" He asked.

"Gfffet Ffoff Fmee!" The soldiers muffled voice came from below Alex. The rude man was now face down into the ground.

"What? I'm sorry, you'll have to speak more clearly." Alex's eyebrows furrowed in fake confusion.

"GFFEETT FOOFF FMMEEE!"

"WHAT?"

"GFET FOF FME!"

"Maybe I should get off you so you can tell me what you want… I'll get right back on again, don't worry."

The man tried to nod, but it didn't exactly work. It looked like he was shaking his head.

"All right. I'll stay on here then."

Alex ate the rest of his meal on top of the man, who struggled, but Alex just pinched his pressure points, and no more!

"It wasn't so nice meeting you… You know, you don't have the softest back." The teenager got off the man, and left the mess hall, leaving all the units wondering _'just who WAS this kid?'_

* * *

"Nice display back there, Alex." Eagle congratulated Alex.

"Why thank you, I thought I might have taken it a bit over the top, but I actually think it turned out quite well."

Fox came in at that moment.

"Ah, Foxy Lady, how I have missed you." Alex slowly backed away from Eagle.

Fox just stared at his quite possibly insane ex-unitmate.

"What? You're MI6 now! I haven't seen you in AAAAAGES! So tell me, how's life?" Eagle's eyes were too wide for a sane man.

"I'm…..I'm just gonna go talk with Cub now…" He continued giving Eagle a slightly scared look.

"No, no, Fox. I insist you talk with your old unitmate. I'll just go take a walk." Alex walked out of the hut, chuckling quietly to himself.

"MWAHAHAHAHA!" Eagle yelled, practically dragging Ben to the table in the middle of the hut. "Okay, do you want to deal, or should I?" He asked, pulling out a deck of cards.

Ben blinked. That was unexpected. "_What?_"

"I want to play poker!" Eagle said innocently.

"Fine. I'll deal then." Ben said, shaking his head slightly. He had completely forgotten Eagle's random urges…

* * *

Alex walked to the large lake in the southern end of the camp where the SAS did all their swimming training and exercises.

He sat along the bank for a few moments, savoring the crisp country air of Hell on Earth.

A sudden noise to his left startled him, and he jumped to his feet in a defensive pose, before realizing it had been a bird.

Chuckling at his own foolishness, he started to turn back around before he saw something dark red. Blood. He ran over there, hoping to find a rabbit killed off by some weird sadistic rabbit-hating soldier. But when had life ever followed his hopes and dreams?

He saw, lying there, face down, a dead body.

Alex took a deep breath, and carefully turned it over to see the face.

He screamed in horror when he saw who it was.

* * *

Alex woke up on the bank of the lake, covered in a cold sweat.

That nightmare had been unlike anything he had ever had before.

It wasn't Jack's body lying there, or Ian's. Not Tom's, Eagle's, Ben's or his father's.

It was _his_. It was his own body, Alex's own body.

The teenaged boy set off at a sprint toward the hut.

He pushed himself faster, and faster, turning the usual five minute jog into a minute's run.

When Alex finally got to the hut, he collapsed on his bunk, breathing heavily, and clenching his eyes shut, so he wouldn't see the horrors of the world around him. The effort was wasted as behind his closed eyelids, he could vividly see his own blank eyes staring back at him, from the rotted shell of his corpse.

He couldn't breathe, couldn't think. Somewhere, deep in his mind, he knew he was having a panic attack. But he couldn't stop it, he just let the horror of the nightmare run through his brain.

By the time Alex had calmed down, it was dark outside, and he could hear his unit-mates coming back towards the hut, laughing at some joke X-Ray had just told. They were coming back from the mess hall…

The spy sighed, and grabbed a novel out of his bag.

He knew it would be a sleepless night.

* * *

**(1): Could someone make sure that I'm saying the right thing? Because I haven't read Ark Angel in a while, and I don't own it…**

**This took me a really long time to write, because I had no idea where I was going with it. I was actually going to have Alex find X-Ray dead, but I couldn't bring myself to kill him off. I'm really not sure where I'm going with this story, so if anyone has any suggestions…**

**In other news, I have managed to kidnap Alex (it was out of the hospital, he just had real appendicitis so he wasn't able to resist) and I will send you an imaginary piece of his hair if you review!**

**Alex: Help! Help! Listen, I'm being kept in the basement, she lives in the US, in O- *****is slapped by a towel* **

**Me: Bad captive.**

**Alex: I don't want to go bald!**

**Me: Too bad. It's their choice. **

**Alex: Don't review, don't review!**

**Me: But that's not all…Review now, and I'll include a chocolate chip cookie in your order!**

**Alex: Don't rev-….Cookie, you say?**

**Please review,**

**Marie**


	10. Revenge is a Dish Best Served Evilly

**AN: Thank you for all the great reviews! I really appreciate them :). Sorry about the long update. It seems that every time I want to update, I either lose my flashdrive or my internet crashes. But I'm updating now! ...And not somewhere in 2011, so let's just be grateful!  
**

**Disclaimer: I own Alex Rider! It's true! Ask anyone! They'll tell you that I am a middle-aged man who lives in the UK!...Well, not anyone…. Only the people I bribed…**

**A Coincidental Relative**

**Chapter 10**

**Revenge is a Dish Best Served Evilly**

* * *

Alex glanced at his unit-mates, whom were all staring at him.

Their "activity of the day" was shooting, so after breakfast, they had walked to the shooting range. The first step of their super-spectacular absolutely terrific activity was to take apart and then reassemble a gun. Just the type of thing you would want to do after not getting any sleep, and having to listen to Fox's sleep mutterings… That man had a seriously twisted mind.

"But Cub wouldn't know how to do it!" Snake had protested.

But the sergeant was adamant. "He will take it apart and put it back together!"

Alex stared at the gun. It was a Sig Sauer handgun. 9 mm. He hadn't ever used this type of gun before, but it looked similar to others he had already studied at Scorpia. **(1)**

After a few moments, he started taking it apart, piece by piece. He took it apart quickly, but he didn't rush. After the spy had finished taking it apart, he put it back together.

The soldiers stared. Only a few of them could take apart and put back together a gun at that speed, and to see a teenager do it with such ease made them uneasy.

Alex grinned sheepishly, until the sergeant yelled at them to start shooting.

They each faced a target and were instructed to hit the center.

The teenager shrugged and quickly fired off his rounds. He walked up to his target and nodded in satisfaction. Not bad, considering that it was only six months ago that he really learned how to shoot a gun. **(2)**

When Eagle looked at the targets he whistled. "Wow, Cub… Didn't expect you to do so well…"

Alex shrugged the compliment off. "We all have our specialties. I can shoot, you can be annoying as hell, and Wolfy over there can be a bastard."

He then proceeded to run into the forest, as a very murderous man was chasing after yelling "I'LL KILL YOU!" Personally, Eagle thought the kid was making a smart decision.

* * *

After about an hour of running from a murderous Wolf, Alex made his way back to the hut, where he found Ben, Eagle, Snake and X-Ray calmly playing a card game.

"Hey Cub!" Snake said, looking up from the game. "Where's Wolf?"

"Well…" The teen said, shifting around a bit nervously, "he might've maybe quite possibly accidentally been pushed into that river near the Back-Breaker hiking trail…"

The men burst out into laughter. "You pushed him into a river?" Ben said, grasping his sides.

"Not me…. Er… You wouldn't happen to know what happens when you throw a pebble at a deer, would you?"

"HAHAHA! You….you mean, Bambi pushed him in?" Eagle said, laughing hysterically.

"Something like that, yeah…"

Alex sat down on his bunk. "So, what's our schedule for the rest of the day?"

Eagle snorted. "Schedule? All we're doing during this reunion is 'reuniting', hiking, shooting, and attending seminars. In reality, I'm not even sure why we're even here…"

The teenager sighed. "Fine, I guess I'll just relax for a while…" He paused for a second. "Do me a favor, if you hear Wolf coming, warm me so I can get away in time…"

Ben, Eagle, Snake and X-Ray all laughed and agreed.

'For Hell on Earth, this actually isn't that bad…' Alex thought as he lay in his rock hard bunk. 'It isn't that bad at all…'

* * *

Alex felt like banging his head against the wall repeatedly. Not that bad. Not that bad? How could he ever had thought that this reunion wasn't that bad?

The whole situation had started on the fifth day of the reunion. Alex had "bonded" with his unit, and they were often seen joking around. Wolf had forgiven him for the 'Bambi Incident' and no longer sent murderous glares his way.

That day, it became very evident that even though there were around six units 'reuniting', life went on at Brecon Beacons.

Life going on meant new recruits.

New recruits meant at least a few bright eager kiss-arse fresh-out-of-their-first-year-in-the-military and barely-out-of-school young men.

It was just Alex's luck that he knew one of them.

Enter Gerald Sereaux. A generally unpleasant boy who, while he had been at Brookland, had, for some reason, made it his life's goal to make Alex's life as unpleasant as possible.

He had tried to beat Alex up a few times, and had always failed. After those attempts, he turned to pranking Alex. Shaving cream in the locker, tripping in the halls, fake love notes, and etc. But somehow, Alex never was affected by these pranks. The locker wasn't his, he just stepped over the extended leg in the hall, and the girl who had "written" the fake love note had actually had a crush on Alex, which had ended in them going out for a week or so, until they decided to just be friends.

So it was easy to see why Gerald hated Alex.

Now, since the recruits barely interacted with the seasoned SAS soldiers, there would usually be no problems.

But fate seemed to really despise Alex.

* * *

Alex had woken up on the fifth day refreshed, and ready for the day ahead of him.

He, along with his unit, walked to the mess hall, joking among themselves. When they had finished eating, they started to walk back, when they saw their reunion-mates huddled in a group.

"What's going on?" Wolf asked Badger, a pleasant enough man from E-Unit.

"We don't know. The Sergeant just told us to wait here."

Alex frowned. He really hated government and army people. For once, just once, couldn't they just say what was going to happen? 'Alex, you'll be going on a life-threatening mission, and it might kill you, but you really have no choice. We're probably not going to come as back-up, so have fun and pack plenty of sunscreen!' Is it really so hard?

He was snapped out of his thoughts by the Sergeant. "ATTENTION!"

After his order was followed, the man looked at the line of men with a bit of pride in his eyes. "At ease." He then turned around, and yelled as loud as the seasoned men could remember him yelling. "GET OVER HERE YOU MAGGOTS!"

A unorganized cluster of new recruits went so stand in from of the Sergeant.

"YOU WILL ALL BE ASSIGNED TO A SEASONED SAS SOLDIER! THEY ARE ABOVE YOU IN EVERY WAY! IN YOUR EYES, THEY ARE GOD! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"

A rippling shout of "Yes, sir!" affirmed the question.

The Sergeant sighed and looked at the SAS soldiers with an apology in his eyes. "I will be calling out assignments. When you hear your name called, step over to me."

"Agonsse, Trevor you are assigned to Bear. Brith, Frederick you are with Fox. Byn, George you are assigned to Badger." The process continued like this for a while, and Alex found himself quite bored.

"Sereaux, Gerald you are assigned to Eagle and Cub."

Gerald Sereaux. Wow. Life really hated him.

Alex stepped forward along with Eagle. At least he was with one of his unitmates…

"A teenager? I'm going to be assigned to a teenager?" Gerald complained.

The Sergeant turned to Alex. "I'm sorry." He then turned to the complaining recruit. "TEENAGER? YOU'RE A TEENAGER TOO, MAGGOT! NOW YOU WILL LISTEN TO CUB AND EAGLE AND IF I HEAR ONE MORE WORD OUT OF YOU, YOU WILL BE BINNED! DO YOU HEAR ME?"

Gerald spat out a 'yes, sir' and turned to Eagle, completely ignoring Alex. The ignoree didn't care much, as he was already deep into the thought process of how he would 'mentor' Gerald…

Slime, mud, and multiple runs of the obstacle were definitely going to be involved…

* * *

Alex groaned into his pillow.

"What's the problem, Cubby?" Asked Eagle.

The so-called 'Cubby' turned around and gave the man standing behind him a death glare so fierce it should have killed him. "Don't. Call. Me. Cubby. And the problem is that we have a stupid arse-head recruit to mentor!"

Eagle shrugged. "So?"

"So, he really annoys me! He went to my school, and tried to prank me a lot!"

The man beside the moody teenager sighed. "Cub, in my family we have a saying. It's a well known proverb in the States, but I find is rings especially true to our family. 'Don't get mad, get even'. This guy may have annoyed you, but that's nothing to what we can do to him!"

Alex lifted his head from his pillow. "You're right. I was already planning something on a small scale, but with your help, I'm pretty sure that we can make good ol' Gerry's life hell."

The two exchanged a high five before settling down and planning out their extensive, and very very fun revenge.

* * *

Back at the dark green tents that served as a temporary home for the new recruits, Gerald was complaining to anyone stupid enough to listen.

"And I have to be stuck with a stupid _teenager_ who probably is only here because his rich daddy paid for new guns or something… Ugh, I'm going to die out there… Die from boredom that is! I bet that kid won't have the first clue on what to do!"

The man sitting opposite him sighed. "Look, the kid wouldn't be here if he couldn't at least do _something_, so just wait and see what he can teach you. At the very least you can learn patience."

Gerald snorted. "That kid can't teach me anything! I bet he can't even run a mile without stopping!"

* * *

"Oh my God." Panted Gerald as he ran on a path.

"What's wrong with you? We haven't even gone a mile yet!" Yelled Eagle at the panting man. "Cub's probably going to be at the course before us, and he's starting ten minutes behind us!"

"Eagle, what are you doing back here? You're not even a mile in yet!" Alex shouted as he caught up to the man.

"Slowy McSlowSlow here decided to completely bump us off schedule!"

Alex turned around and gave his Death Glare 2000™ to the panting and sweating man. "Why are you trying to get into the SAS if you can't even run a mile?"

"I-I can run a mile, just…just not at such a fast pace after doing the obstacle course two times in a row!"

The spy rolled his eyes. "You call this a fast pace?"

Gerald didn't have enough breath to confirm the thought.

When they got to the course, Gerald was ordered by Eagle to do fifty sit ups for 'failing miserably'.

"Hey! I'd like to see you do the obstacle course in twenty minutes and then run a mile without passing out!" Gerald protested.

Alex rolled his eyes once more. "If I do that, will you stop whining, and just focus on improving your stamina?"

Gerald nodded. There was no way a snot-nosed punk could do that, he could barely do it!

His mouth dropped open as he saw the teenaged spy run across the course without tripping, falling, or even slowing down once. It only took Alex fourteen minutes to run the course, and then he only took five minutes to run the mile.

Barely out of breath, Alex stood in front of the gaping man. "Now get your lazy butt off the ground, and give me fifty sit-ups, then fifty push-ups for complaining!"

There was no point in complaining more. Gerald groaned and moaned as he completed the exercises.

Eagle turned to the teen. "Are you sure you want to keep pushing him like this? Won't he just get madder at us, and lash out?"

Alex snorted. "What damage can he do if he lashes out? He'll just get binned."

Gerald overheard this, and knew that he would get revenge.

Or at least, he would get very injured trying.

* * *

A few hours later, in the middle of the night, Eagle looked warily around the bathroom.

He had been on watch duty outside it when he had heard a noise, so drawing his gun, he had gone inside. "If anyone's in here, you'd better identify yourself!" He shouted.

Eagle kicked in the bathroom stall doors. On the last one, the one closest to the wall, it did not immediately budge. But when he gave his kick a bit more power, it crashed open.

Badger sat on the toilet, and Eagle immediately turned around and started apologizing. "Oh God, I'm sorry… I didn't mean to look, but you know, I shouted to identify yourself, and you didn't… Wait, why didn't you? I mean, you know protocol…" With this thought, the man turned around and examined the man sitting on the toilet a bit more closely.

There were many things wrong with the picture.

For one, Badger was fully dressed, and every toddler, man, and woman knows that it is pretty much impossible to use the toilet while you're dressed… The second thing was the unhealthy light sheen of sweat on his face. The third, was that his breathing was far too slow.

Eagle couldn't find any immediate wounds, but as he stared in horror at his fallen mate, he realized that there must be some reason for the peril Badger seemed to be in.

He heard a noise, and whirled around, pointing his gun, only to see a gun pointed right back at him.

* * *

**(1): A Sig Sauer is a small gun with big bullets and a big kick… Pretty much all I learned from my dad's self-defense lessons… :) **

**(2): I figured that Ian would've taught Alex how to shoot a gun, since he was training him to be a superspy… **

**AN: Hahaha! Cliffhanger! I'm so evil! ^_^ It's all part of my evil plan to….I haven't really figured out what it's for, but it's going to be evil!**

**Now, I'm at a bit of a crossroads, do you people want Badger to die, or just go into a coma? **

**And Random Question of the Chapter: What is the most disgusting food you know?**

**Alex: …If I answer that, will you let me go?**

**Me: Sure, I guess..**

**Alex: The most disgusting food I know is…candied beets**

**Me: Ugh... I agree with you there… **

**Alex: Will you let me go now?**

**Me: It depends on what the reviewers say…**

**So what will it be? Will Alex go free, or stay imprisoned? …and what is the most disgusting food on earth?**

**-Marie**


	11. A Failed Interrogation

**AN: I'm really sorry for not updating sooner! My life just got in the way. But I'm updating now! Your reviews were amazing, entertaining, and all the different disgusting foods you came up with amazed me :) I'm so lucky to have readers like you guys!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Alex Rider… Maybe I will when I take over the world, but not now… **

**A Coincidental Relative**

**Chapter 11**

**A Failed Interrogation**

* * *

"Who are you?" Eagle demanded.

There was no answer.

"What are you doing here?"

No answer.

"Put your gun down."

The shadowy figure didn't follow the command.

Eagle shook his head unbelievingly, the figure did the same.

"Don't ridicule me!" He growled.

No answer.

The man sometimes referred to as Number Two twitched.

The figure did the same.

Eagle jumped into a random pose.

Figure Dude did the same, at the exact same time.

It took a second for Eagle to figure out what was happening…then he slapped his forehead.

The gun that had been pointed at him had been his own gun. No, his gun hadn't suddenly turned traitor on him, and gotten a life of its own, he had been looking in the mirror.

The _mirror._ He had confused an armed enemy with himself in a _mirror._

To his defense, it was rather dark in that corner of the bathroom, but still, it was inexcusable.

Snapping out of his stupor, Eagle ran back to check on Badger. There was virtually no change.

Heaving the man carefully onto his shoulders, Eagle jogged to the medic's office.

"I need a medic to help me, NOW!" He yelled, and watched as a very disoriented Jaguar sprinted out.

"Eagle? Why do you need a medic? Can't you just treat yourself?"

Eagle rolled his eyes. "I could and can, but I need someone to help me treat Badger, who is unconscious, and I think he might have been poisoned!"

Jaguar's eyes widened as he noticed the fairly large man on Eagle's back.

"Get me an IV. We need to pump every antidote we have through his body before his heartbeat slows and he goes into a coma!" Demanded Eagle.

Together, they heaved Badger onto a hospital cot and hooked up the IV to his body.

Jaguar filled the IV bag with a mixture of antidotes. "What now?" He asked, standing next to Eagle.

"Nothing to do now except wait." The American said, looking down at his hands.

Five minutes later, the calm charade that Eagle had been trying to convey had fallen. His thoughts were a swarm of 'what ifs', and he just couldn't stop the pessimism that had invaded his mind.

What if Badger never woke up?

What if the poisoner struck again?

What if others died?

What if Cub died? Jackie would never forgive him.

What if he died?

Being in the SAS, Eagle had come to terms with the facts that he could die at any second out in the field. But now, at the training camp, it just didn't seem possible.

And yet the proof was staring him right in the face in the form of a fallen friend.

Eagle sighed, and looked at the man sitting next to him. Jaguar's fairly young face had worry written all over it. "Hey" Eagle said nudging him. "it's gonna be okay."

The face looking back at him told him that no, Jaguar did not believe it was 'gonna be okay'.

Jack II offered a grim smile.

For now, they would just wait.

* * *

The next day, during 'mentor' time, Alex was in a fairly horrible mood.

Not only had a fellow SAS soldier been poisoned (Alex had gotten to the point of thinking of the men around him friends, and fellow soldiers), but Eagle had 'adopted' George Byn, the new recruit Badger had been assigned to.

However, he had promised to run a schedule similar to Alex's, so the boy would not have to be alone with Gerald… Apparently it wouldn't go over very well if recruits were choked to death…

"Where are we going?" Gerald whined as they ran along a trail.

"We are going to a different part of camp." Alex smiled sinisterly. "A few of us mentors have designed a survival training activity, I bet you'll have a _lot _of fun doing it!"

* * *

Gerald crept through the forest, as silent as a –CRASH-

Instantly, he was hit with about fifty mud-filled water balloons!

"What's the point of this?" Sputtered the dirty man.

"To teach you that every mistake could cost you your life!" Cub's face appeared a few feet in front of Gerald's, as he swung, hanging upside down from a branch.

"How are you staying on there?"

Alex winked at the tortured recruit. "I'll tell you when you get through this course clean."

Gerald groaned.

* * *

Alex lay in his bunk, reminiscing the day's events. The teen grinned as he remembered Gerald's stunned face. He turned his head as he heard the door open and close. "What's happening?" He asked a grim looking Eagle.

"We finally found out what happened to Badger."

"What?"

"Like I thought, it was poison…it was made from azaleas and sulfur... It is usually lethal." **(1)**

"Usually? And aren't azaleas a type of flower?"

"Flowers can be poisonous! And it's made to be shot directly into the bloodstream, but the poisoner slipped it into some of Badger's food instead. Since Badger is a young and strong guy, he should be fine."

Alex sighed. What was with Eagle and not fully explaining things? "Should?"

"He might live out the rest of his life in a purely vegetative state, but we're pumping his stomach, and flushing out his bowel system, so the doctors are hopeful."

"Doctors?" Alex knew that there were no doctors in the SAS camp, only medics.

"Well, yeah they flew them in… I mean the only reason Badger isn't in a hospital right now is because it might be dangerous to move him! He could go into cardiac arrest, and then we would have to pump at least 100ccs of-"

Alex groaned. "I don't really care about any medical talk. Just tell me, could it have been accidental?"

"No. The cooks here know what is poisonous and what is not. This poison is extremely hard to make, and rare. It has to be mixed with the just right amount of sulfur to be poisonous, but not so poisonous that the person collapses immediately. Someone in this camp meant to poison Badger."

The teen sighed. "And this is the part where it goes black, you hear some suspenseful music, and it cuts to commercial."

"Cub, this isn't a TV sh-

'_We'll be right back after these messages' _said a creepy voice from above.

* * *

"So, what do we do now?" Alex asked a fully assembled K-Unit.

"I don't know…" Chuckled X-Ray, still laughing from his prank on Eagle and Alex.

"All we _can _do is find the guy who poisoned Badger!" Eagle exclaimed, waving his hands around dramatically.

Wolf rolled his eyes. "Because that will be _so _easy… How do we find him, smart one?"

"You really shouldn't call him smart one, Eagle's too dumb to recognize sarcasm…" Alex commented.

"Hey! Just because I'm a Smart One doesn't mean you can make fun of me!"

Everyone stared at Eagle.

"So, how do we do this?" Questioned Snake.

"Easy." Alex said with a smirk. "We interrogate."

* * *

A bright light was shone onto the face of a recruit. "Where were you the night of August 23rd 1998?" Someone yelled.

A sigh was heard. "Eagle, this is really not what I meant by interrogation…"

"Shut up Cub!" The 'interrogator' turned back to the confused recruit. "I asked you a question!"

"W-well, uh… The 23rd is my mum's birthday, so I suppose I was at home, celebrating…"

A disbelieving snort came from the 'interrogator'. "Likely story… Now tell me where you really were!"

"I told you! I was at home, celebrating, and probably playing football!"

The bright light (which turned out to be a flashlight) was thrust right into the poor recruit's eyes. "LIAR!"

"All right, that's it. Interrogation over."

"But Cuuuuuuuub!"

"No. Sorry about this Maggot…" Alex apologized to the quite traumatized recruit, dragging Eagle out the hut door.

Michael Johnson stared at the now closed door and the flashlight that was lying on the table. "Why didn't I listen to mum and become a doctor?"

* * *

Snake stared at Alex. "He did _what_?"

"It's Eagle, are you really so surprised?" Alex asked.

"I suppose not… But now what do we do?"

Wolf barged into the hut. "We arrest the truck driver."

"What?" Eagle blinked, confused.

"Turns out that dinner on the day Badger went under was shipped in by a catering company!" Fox explained, barging in after Wolf.

"But why would the truck driver poison Badger?" Alex asked, pointing out the hole in the logic.

"Because!" Yelled X-Ray, barging in after Fox who had barged in after Wolf. "The truck driver was Badger's brother!"

Alex sighed. "How do you know that?"

X-Ray held up a photo of a man who strongly resembled Badger. "It's either him or a clone."

Snake looked up at the ceiling in irritation. "And why would Badger's brother poison him?"

Alex, Snake and Eagle looked at the door, waiting for another person to barge in. When no one came, they looked back at the unit-members who had barged in. **(2)**

"Er… We actually don't know that… But we'll figure it out!" X-Ray promised.

"Because when their father died, he left more money to Badger than his brother… Didn't he tell you?" Alex said nonchalantly.

"Uh… I knew that!" Eagle yelled.

Snake raised an eyebrow, then another one as something occurred to him. "But wait, how would only Badger be poisoned if we all got the meals?"

Wolf growled. "You really think we didn't figure that out? Badger's diabetic. Only one in the whole camp. He got a different meal than the rest of us."

"Well, that explains that!" Snake jumped up. "Let's go arrest the bastard!"

Various cries of 'Yeah!' and 'Let's do it!' echoed around the hut.

* * *

"Uh… I just talked to the Sergeant; apparently Badger's brother is in hiding… And even more, we're SAS, not the police. We're not allowed to make arrests, unless it's a terrorist." Ben said, coming into the hut.

"…How did we not realize that?" Alex asked, slightly shocked at their stupidity.

Eagle leapt up from his bunk. "How were we supposed to know that Badger's brother went into hiding?"

"Not that! The 'we're not allowed to make arrests' part!"

"Oh… Wait, we're not?" Everyone rolled their eyes at Eagle's idiocy

"So what do we do now?" Snake asked.

Wolf snorted. "We hunt down the bastard, tie him up, and throw him in front of a police station."

Alex winced at the memories of the drug dealers, the crane, and the police station…

"Well, how can we find him?" X-Ray asked.

Fox rolled his eyes. "Easy, the internet!"

* * *

Jack 1 sighed with happiness. This was the life. She was currently lying on a table being massaged by a man named Marcus…Marcus the guy with magic hands.

She glanced over to where her friends, Hannah and Anne, lay. They were being massaged by their own masseuses.

Hannah broke the blissful silence. "So, Jack, the other night I was driving by your street, and I saw a pretty hot guy leaving your house with Alex… New boyfriend?"

Anne giggled. "A new boyfriend we have yet to meet!"

"What?" Jack asked, confused. "I have no clue what you're talking about! None of my boyfriends have ever gone anywhere with Alex…"

"Well, I know what I saw!" Hannah stubbornly said. "It was a man with light brown hair, great muscles, and he was wearing a red polo shirt."

"Brown hair…muscles…red polo..." Jack muttered to herself, trying to figure out whom Hannah had seen. "Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!" She suddenly yelled.

"What?" Anne asked.

"That "hot guy" you saw was my brother!" She shouted, feeling slightly sick at the thought of her brother being "hot".

"You have a brother?" Anne raised an eyebrow.

Hannah smirked. "Is he single?"

"Yeah I do, yes he is, and god! It's totally weird that you think he's not butt-ugly!" Jack yelled slightly at the end.

"He's hot Jack. Admit it." Hannah laughed.

"NO! He's not! At all!" She shuddered once again at the thought that Two might be considered attractive…

"Jack, could you be the best friend on earth and maybe just introduce me?" Hannah asked.

Jack rolled her eyes for the umpteenth time that day. "Fine."

Hannah squealed with excitement while Anne and Jack just stared.

This was going to be…er…interesting…

* * *

**(1): I did research! I found a site that showed how to kill off fictional characters…It was **_**very**_** detailed though…**

**(2): I just noticed something that is amazing…. If you rearrange the letters in barged you get Badger… :) Is that not pure awesomeness?**

**AN: Since most of you have not protested about my hostage holding of Alex, I will continue it!**

**Alex: You're all evil. You're evil, sick, twisted people.**

**Me: BAD ALEX! *slaps* NO INSULTING THE READERS!**

**Alex: Just let me go!**

**Me: Nah**

**Alex: Who knows who's dying because you're keeping me here?**

**Me: No one. You're a fictional character, and I'm insane for talking to you! **

**-Am I insane? Will Alex ever get free? Or will he go crazy from the knowledge that he doesn't really exist? Review to find out! Or to comment about the story... Either one!**


	12. Google Saves the Day

**I know, I know. I'm a horrible, horrible authoress, and I deserve every punishment that an authoress can receive. But I have a legitimate reason. NaNoWriMo. Somehow, I finished my novel, but right when I decided it was time to sit down and write this chapter, two terrible things happened. I found out that my Uncle's pancreatic cancer had spread so much that they were canceling chemo, leaving him in Hospis (code word for: dying any week now), and my dad's good friend died from stomach cancer. Needless to say, I was not in the mood to write.**

**But somehow I wrote this chapter, and I hope you enjoy it.**

**Disclaimer: Of **_**course **_**I own Alex Rider, and I ride to work every day on the back of a sparkly green flying elephant!**

**A Coincidental Relative**

**Chapter 12**

**How Google Saved the Day**

* * *

"Stop crowding me!" Alex shouted to the group of men who had surrounded him from all sides as he tried to search for Badger's brother on his laptop.

"We're not crowding!" Eagle shouted, two inches from Alex's ear.

The boy with the ear in question winced. "Yes you are!"

Fox shrugged. "It's not our fault your laptop has such a tiny screen… How do you get internet out here anyways?"

Alex smirked. "I know people." To Fox's raised eyebrow he simply answered. "Smithers."

Ben nodded, satisfied with the answer. If Smithers could make a shoelace into a GPS tracking signal and message sender, he could make a laptop with internet access in the middle of nowhere.

It had been an hour or so since Alex had started the search for Badger's brother. In that time, they had sat down to search, realized that they didn't know Badger's brother's name (he had used a fake one for the truck driving job), and went to search for Badger's file. It took around half an hour for Snake to hack into the government files and to find the persons in question…unknown to the others, he had also sent a few other files to his email, including the files of Cub, Wolf, Eagle, Fox, X-Ray, and the Sergeant. He also downloaded his own… All in the name of curiousity.

"What kind of name is Harold?" Eagle asked no one in particular. "I can't believe Badger's brother's name is Harold Hoover! It sounds so weird…"

"Found it!" Came Alex's happy cry, completely ignoring Jack II's weird ramblings.

"Already? How?" Wolf grunted curiously.

"…Google…"

"Wait, what'd you find?" X-Ray questioned.

"Harold Hoover lives in downtown London… I found his address. We're going to go pay him a little visit." Alex smirked evilly.

They all agreed, and, as it was quite late at night, they decided to get a few hours of rest in before the …er…. 'field trip' the next day.

* * *

As soon as Alex was asleep, the nightmares started. He hadn't had them since the night he dreamed of his own dead body. It had only been a matter of time…

He saw nothing. No light was visible. Alex stood up shakily, feeling his whole body ache from some sort of pain. He clumsily stumbled around, looking for a light switch, when he hit a wall of bars. The second his head banged against the hard steel, he realized he could see what lay beyond the bars of the small cell.

In the cell he was currently staring into, lay a woman with hair caked with dried blood. The skin that was visible was covered in bruises and cuts, puss seeped from some of her open cuts, and others were a sickly green color, leaving the blonde spy with a certainty that the woman had been tortured extensively, and then left to rot.

The poor woman stirred from her pain-hazed sleep, and Alex realized who she was.

He ran to the next cell desperately, trying to forget the sight of his housekeeper in that state of pain.

He peered into the next cell over. A small boy with spiky dark hair and bruises the same color, was sitting with his back to a wall, trying his best not to go unconscious, but failing. His right eye was swollen shut, and the other was foggy, as if he was unable to see through it. Alex gagged at the sight of his best friend Tom in that deal of pain.

The next cell: A very battered looking Eagle, covered in blood.

The one after: A dull eyed Sabina hanging herself.

The next: Wolf lying on the ground, his back twisted at an unnatural angle.

Alex ran and ran, closing his eyes to prevent seeing the terrible sights.

"Alex!" The voices of those in the cells called to him, surrounding him, smothering him with their ghastly cries. "Alex! ALEX!"

* * *

"Alex!" Eagle called, shaking the boy awake. "Stop being such a teen and wake up already!"

The teen in question sat up quickly, panting for some reason.

"What's wrong?" Eagle asked.

"Nothing. Just a nightmare." Alex dismissed. "Are we going yet?"

"Yeah, we got permission from the Sergeant to make an army arrest…"

"Wait…" A thought suddenly occurred to Alex, causing his eyebrows to furrow.

"What?" Eagle asked curiously.

"…who's driving?"

* * *

"YEEEEEE-HAW!" Eagle yelled, driving a red jeep.

The rest of the unit and co. just held onto their seats and tried not to scream for a different reason.

"You just _had_ to make him call driving didn't you?" Wolf asked Cub bitterly.

"I didn't know that no one had called it yet!" The teen defended himself from the passenger seat.

"I don't feel so good." Moaned a slightly green Snake.

X-Ray, and Fox tried to scoot away from the ill-looking Scottish man.

"We're here!" Called Eagle merrily.

"Thank the Lord!" Fox shouted as they all jumped out of the car.

Snake kissed the ground repeatedly while X-Ray stared at him oddly.

"Eagle, hand me the keys." Wolf ordered.

"No!"

"Let me rephrase: Hand me the keys or I'll tie you to that flagpole with your own intestines."

Needless to say, Eagle gave him the keys.

"Everyone grab a gun!" Fox yelled, while shrugging on a bulletproof vest.

Alex grabbed a Walther PP2 from the suitcase containing guns (which belonged to Wolf. It had disturbed Alex to see how many he had), which was promptly taken away by Eagle. "Aren't you a little to young to use a gun?" His guardian's brother asked condescendingly.

The teen glared at him. "Aren't you a little old to sing along to Lady Gaga?" He hissed.

Eagle paled.

"I have video footage." The teen smirked evilly.

Jack II handed the gun over. "Jeez." He grumbled. "Why am I always giving things away?"

After they had suited up, loaded their guns and prepared extra magazines, they split up.

Alex, Snake and Fox would go up the fire escape to get to the Target's apartment from the back, and Wolf, Eagle and X-Ray would come in from the front door.

* * *

Five minutes later, a voice came crackling in over the handheld radio. "This is A-Team. We are in position. Repeat: We are in position. Awaiting confirmation to proceed." It was easily recognized as X-Ray's voice.

"A-Team, this is B-Team, we are at a go. Repeat: We are at a go. Proceed when ready." Snake replied.

"Confirmation received. On my 3-count. 3…2…1! Go!"

Alex leapt inside the window, pointing his gun at the man sitting on the couch. "Harold Hoover?" The man nodded confusedly. "You're under arrest for attempted murder." The man grimaced and sighed. Contrary to his body language, his eyes darted around the room looking for an escape route. There was nowhere to run, though, and so he just sat back, with his head hanging down sadly.

Eagle pulled out the hand-cuffs and put them on Harold Hoover. "I've always wanted to do this!" He muttered excitedly. "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you." He grinned at his unit-mates after reciting the Miranda Rights, which were so popular on all the American cop shows he watched.

"Very good!" Complimented Alex.

Eagle's grin got so much bigger to the point where he was actually beaming.

"Only one thing…." Alex started.

"What?"

"We're not in the US. The Miranda Rights don't apply…"

Eagle looked down sadly. "Oh…right… Let's go, dirtbag!" He suddenly yelled at Harold Hoover, and dragged him down the hallway.

The others just stared at him. "Only Eagle…" Snake shook his head sadly.

* * *

Alex experienced serious déjà vu when he saw a bright light being shone into Harold Hoover's face.

"Where were you the night of April 22nd, 1987!" Eagle shouted into the face of the scared man.

Once again, Alex had to toss the overly excited man outside. This time, however, he didn't apologize to the victim. After Eagle had been dealt with, Fox and Alex entered the interrogation room (or, as it was known around camp 'that old shed near the recreation field'), Alex carrying a file.

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Harold's eyes darting around the room uncomfortably while he rubbed his wrists, which were encased in handcuffs, which had been attached to a metal table in the center of the room.

"Hmmm…" Alex deliberately murmured as he looked through the file, more so for agonizing the suspect than for knowledge. He had already memorized most of the information.

"What?" Hoover asked sharply.

The two MI6 agents didn't answer.

Hoover began to panic. "What?" He asked again. "Why am I here? Who are you?"

Alex turned to Fox and furrowed his eyebrows. "Fox, this guy doesn't have much of a criminal record… Maybe we've got the wrong guy."

Fox nodded grimly. "I suppose it could've been another brother, who worked for the truck company, who drove the truck that day, who just so happens to have the same face as this man… Or maybe not. Either way, we have enough evidence to make this man go to jail for forty years…"

"Not forty!" Hoover gasped. He was thirty-five! He couldn't bear the concept of living another of his lifetimes in jail.

Alex interrupted the terrible thoughts. "No, not forty… I know the local judge, I'm sure we can get fifty, or sixty… If he lasts that long…"

Hoover started sobbing. A very pitiful sight. "I'll do anything you want! Just _please_, don't let me go to jail!"

Fox scowled. "We can't just let you go… Although, I suppose if you give us a confession and tell us who supplied you the poison, we could reduce the prison sentence… Perhaps to twenty years?"

Alex shrugged. "I suppose." Then, suddenly, as if he were a different man, he took the file and slammed it onto the table as he jumped to his feet.

Hoover flinched.

"_Who gave you the poison?_" Alex demanded.

"I-I don't know!" Hoover stuttered out.

Fox chuckled darkly. "We know you're not smart enough to make it on your own, now _who gave you the poison!_"

"No one!"

Alex's cell phone started to ring. "Hello?"

The voice on the other end was indistinguishable.

"You're kidding….He was really that stupid?….There's no way…His brother is SAS for Pete's sake!…I'll be there right away." And with that, Alex gestured for Fox to follow him, and they left the 'interrogation room', leaving behind a little nervous fat man, who was not looking forward to the seemingly endless years in jail.

* * *

"Ebay!" Snake yelled as the two 'interrogators' walked into the room.

"_What?_" Fox asked.

"He used ebay to find a chemist who made poisons. There were a lot of code words involved. They met, and the 'chemist' gave him the poison." Alex explained.

Fox smirked then. "Well, that's easy then! Who's the chemist?"

"Not that easy." X-Ray explained. "The chemist is part of Serpenta."

"Serpenta?" Eagle asked, apparently not fully aware of the details, although he had been in the room the whole time. Alex suspected Lady Gaga, and an iPod were to blame.

"The rival and sister organization to Scorpia." Fox explained.

"Not much of one!" Eagle snorted.

Alex lifted an eyebrow in puzzlement.

"Scorpia rolls off the tongue. Serpenta sounds clunky and weird."

Alex sighed at Eagle's antics. "So what do we do now?"

"Now we send Hoover to the MI6 counter-terrorism branch, along with all the evidence." Ben replied.

"So we did all that for nothing?" Wolf asked exasperatedly.

"Look at it this way," Alex paused. "we got away from dealing with the new recruits!"

Everyone in the hut let out a groan. They had completely forgotten the Maggots.

* * *

A day later, Alex sat in a lawn chair drinking lemonade, watching the maggots run laps.

It was a hard job, but someone had to do it.

Gerald passed by with a groan and a glare, and Alex took great pleasure in smirking at him, and giving him a little wave.

Said Maggot was not as dumb as he seemed, and he soon realized that the young soldier who delighted in torturing him probably had a vendetta against him. The man's face was familiar, but Gerald just couldn't quite place it.

It took a look at an old school photo to realize the connection.

The evil SAS man named Cub, was _Alex Rider_! His head spun with the new information.

Alex "the Druggie" Rider was younger than him… And he was at camp for a _reunion_! How old must he had been when he had actually trained?

Gerald didn't know what to make with the new information. So he did the one thing he did well. He messed up. Very badly.

* * *

Jack groaned as Hannah and Anne looked at the photo album. "Aww… Little Jack Number Two is so _cute_!" Hannah squealed.

Anne just sighed. "Hannah, you don't know the guy. Just let it go…"

"I do know that he's really good looking! And fit…" Hannah drooled over a few more photos.

Jack decided it was time to speak up. "Have you ever considered the fact that maybe I don't want you dating my brother?"

"Why not?"

"Because…" Jack struggled for words. "It'd be weird!"

"We'd be sisters in law!" Hannah defended.

Jack's eyes widened when she realized that fact. "I'm gonna run to the bathroom for a second." She choked out, before running to said room and gagging repeatedly.

Anne sighed to herself. "Poor Jack…" She murmured.

"Why is she poor?" Hannah overheard. "She has a really _hot_ brother!"

"She's poor because she's Jack! Have you not noticed how overprotective she is of her family? How many times have you met Alex?"

"Many times!…There was that one time I picked her up to go clubbing… I saw him then!"

"Jack likes to keep her social life and personal life separate. It's just a weird thing she does." Anne explained patiently.

"How would you know?"

"Best friends since she moved here." Anne smiled when she remembered the old days.

"Really? I only met you two a few months ago."

"We are all aware of that fact. Can we please move on to a subject that doesn't involve my brother and/or the word 'hot'?" Jack interrupted from the doorway.

Anne shrugged. "We might have to put duct tape over Hannah's mouth, but I think it can be done…"

Hannah pouted. "Not fair! Besides, we're going clubbing in fifteen minutes anyway… We need to get ready!"

And so Jack and her girly friends entered the 'make-up room'. Also known as 'the guest room where Jack II was staying before he left for the reunion'.

And many miles away, Eagle randomly shivered. "What?" Asked Alex.

"Nothing… I just had a random thought of Jack girlifying the house while we're gone."

Alex laughed. "Jack? Girly? Please…"

* * *

**AN: ****I should have the next chapter ready in about a month, what with school, my Uncle and everything… I know nothing really exciting happened this chapter, but I wanted to set up what was going to happen later.**

**I wanted to know, what direction should I go in next:**

**1: Should I explore the whole 'Serpenta' thing? **

**2: Should I skip the rest of the 'reunion' and just bring Alex and company home already?**

**3: Should I have X-Ray brutally murdered? (just kidding….but maybe….)**

**Or, **

**4: Should I continue with the whole 'K-Unit' bonding thingie? And the Gerald found out about Alex thing?**

**I **_**really**_** need to know… I have little to no idea what happens next…**

**Please Review,**

**-Marie**


	13. An Unexpected Encounter

**AN: I am so so so unbelievably sorry for not updating... All I can say is that I have had a rough year, but now that it's finally summer I might be able to update often... :) Once again, I am SO sorry!**

**Disclaimer: I have run out of witty or fun ways to say I don't own Alex Rider, although I can always hope…**

**A Coincidental Relative**

**Chapter 13**

**How Martians Planned to Take Over the Earth**

**or**

**An Unexpected Encounter **

* * *

Gerald was on a mission. The likes of which this world had never seen.

He walked up to his commanding officer, Falcon, and spoke up.

"Sir, I would like to apologize for my incompetence during this whole training period. It has come to my attention that I am not yet fit for the SAS. I would like permission to go back to the Air Force and train until I am fit for this honor." Gerald spoke to the soldier, and watched surprise flicker across his face.

Falcon nodded, pleased with the ex-recruit's decision. "Well said. I hope to see you here again in a few years."

Gerald saluted one last time and walked away from the god-forsaken camp where he had lost so much honor.

He knew though, that he would be back someday, and when he was, Alex Rider would pay. But that's a different story. **(1)**

* * *

Alex and most of K-Unit were laying in their cots, enjoying the little sleep they would get that night, when suddenly, Eagle burst into the room with a coned party hat on top his head, and multiple balloons in both his hands. He ignored the confused (and slightly disturbed) stares that the rest of the sleepy unit were giving him.

"C'mon guys! We need to celebrate!" He yelled.

Alex blinked twice, trying to make sense of the quite terrifyingly weird scene in front of him, while wondering if he was dreaming. "Celebrate what?"

"It's midnight! We've made it through a week and five days! We have only two days left!" Eagle shouted, so happily it made Fox wonder briefly if he had been forcefully injected with heroin, or maybe brainwashed by fangirls of that one book… what was it called? Dawn? Dusk?…Twilight?

Fox's rambling thoughts were cut off by Wolf's annoyed reply: "We _know_ Eagle!"

The latter stopped in mid-happy-dance. "…You know?"

All of K-Unit nodded.

"Well….Well then why aren't you excited?" The hyper man asked.

"We have better things to do." Alex answered.

Jack Two walked over to his cot, and slumped down. He tore off his party hat and tried to throw the balloons aside. Of course, since they were balloons, they just floated up to the ceiling, where they stayed.

Five minutes later, someone new burst into their cabin. A teenager, oddly enough. He was very tall though, and accidentally hit his head coming into the hut. He fell face down, unconscious and Eagle immediately ran over to him and checked for a pulse.

"He's alive!" He shouted.

"….who is he?" Wolf asked.

Eagle shrugged and turned the boy over. "Anyone recognize him?"

"No." "Nope." "Negative." "Never seen him before in my life." Fox, Wolf, Snake and X-Ray said. They immediately all turned to Alex.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" He asked defensively.

"Teenager in an SAS camp, Cub." Snake replied.

They all jumped when the boy who had been previously unconscious suddenly sat up.

"Where am I?" The boy asked. He looked around curiously until Snake piped up.

"A better question would be _who_ are you?"

"I'm James. James Hale."

Alex suddenly paled and hid behind Eagle.

"_What?_" Eagle hissed at his sister's ward.

"…he's kind of one of my best mates…" Said ward explained.

"How didn't you recognize him?"

"…I was kind of playing tetris on my phone…"

"You were _what?_"

"Oh shut it. I've seen you steal my phone to play it plenty of times!"

By now the whole unit and James turned to look at Eagle and Alex.

The former waved. Alex smiled sheepishly. "Hi James!"

"Alex?" James blinked a few times. "What are you doing here?…and where is _here_?"

"I think the better question is what are _you_ doing here?" Eagle said.

James's eyes widened when he saw the man. "Hey! You're that guy who picked Alex up that one day!"

"…Jack, why did you pick Alex up that one day?" Wolf asked, sending a death glare at said man.

"….my sister is kinda his guardian."

Wolf blinked a few times. "You have a sister?"

"Hello! Can we get back to the whole me appearing in a random cabin thing?" James yelled.

"What do you remember?" Snake asked gently.

"I remember being pushed out a car in the middle of a forest at some time during the night, seeing a cabin in the middle of nowhere and running in."

X-Ray furrowed his eyebrows. "Why were you in a random car anyways?"

"I was kidnapped, I think."

"You _think_?" Wolf demanded.

"They drugged me!"

Alex pushed the men out of the way and kneeled next to his friend. "James, this is really important. Do you remember anything about the men who kidnapped you?"

The boy frowned. "One guy…I think he had a German accent…Oh! And he had a tattoo!"

"A tattoo?" Eagle asked.

"Yeah! Of some kind of snake!"

Wolf inhaled sharply. "A snake? Are you sure?"

"Give me a pencil and some paper and I can draw it for you!" James defended himself.

"I thought you said you were drugged!" Snake narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the boy.

"James has a photographic memory." Alex explained, sticking up for his mate.

The former stuck his tongue out slightly, ignoring the battle of wills going on, while sketching out the tattoo on a piece of paper that Eagle had brought him. "There."

Fox took the paper. And instantly paled. "This is bad. This is really really bad."

"How so?" Alex asked, raising an eyebrow.

"This is really really bad." Fox repeated, shaking his head from the "badness" of it all.

"Stop babbling and tell us what the hell is so bad!" Wolf yelled.

"This tattoo…is a Serpenta tattoo."

All was silent.

"Well, shit." Wolf said grimly.

* * *

James Hale was confused.

More so than ever.

Not only was one of his best friends surrounded by men who looked like body-builders, he seemed at ease with them, and they kept talking about some serpent and scorpion thing.

And no one was giving him any answers!

After about five minutes of the body-builders pacing around the small hut, James had had enough.

"PANCAKES!" He yelled as loudly as he could, stunning the "bodybuilders" into silence.

Instantly all eyes were on him.

"Now that I've got your attention, I want some answers."

Alex looked at Fox. "Can I tell him?"

"Tell me what?"

"He'll have to sign."

"Sign _what_?"

"He'll be more at risk, won't he…"

"At risk?"

"Yeah. He will. But that's unavoidable."

"Blunt won't use him…will he?"

"Who's Blunt?"

"He might… But I doubt it. James doesn't seem like the type."

"What type?"

"So…should I tell him?"

"YES! YOU SHOULD TELL ME!"

"It's up to you."

"Tell me already!"

"Can we have some privacy?" Alex requested glaring at Eagle, who was already leaning in to eavesdrop on the conversation. K-unit nodded and exited, Snake dragging Eagle along with him.

James let out a cry of victory, pumping his fist into the air. "Finally! I get to learn what's going on!"

Alex sat down next to James. "You have to promise not to interrupt."

"I promise."

Alex sighed and looked at James seriously. "The truth is, you're on a space ship. I'm actually a Martian in disguise as a human to help my people take over the Earth. The cabin you went into was a teleportation device. The men who kidnapped you are Venusians. They live on Venus and are trying to stop us from taking over, but only because they want to take over the Earth themselves. They must have thought you were a Martian." **(2)**

James stared at Alex like the latter was crazy. "You're insane!"

"…Now that you've heard that, the truth will be more believable. I'm a spy for MI6. I was recruited after my uncle, who turned out to also be a spy, died. You're currently at an SAS camp. K-Unit and I are here for a "reunion". The men who kidnapped you are part of a terrorist organization called Serpenta, and now you need to sign the Official Secrets Act." Alex held out the piece of paper. "Just sign your signature at the very bottom, and don't say anything to anyone or you'll be thrown into jail!" He smiled cheerily.

James passed out.

Alex stared at him for a few seconds. "That went better than I expected…" he muttered under his breath.

* * *

James woke up in a white room. He sat up the second he awoke, eyes darting around the room. A normal hospital-like room. That meant that he had imagined the last few hours. No, perhaps not. He had probably been kidnapped for a short while, hit his head, and had a vivid hallucination. Yeah. That was it. Much more believable than the espionage-filled-sorry-excuse for a story Alex had fed him.

No, not Alex. Just a hallucination.

James relaxed into his pillows with a small sigh. Everything was back to normal. No spies, or anything.

A doctor of some sort came into his room and checked his temperature and held some sort of flashlight up to his eyes to make sure they were working properly. He then informed him he had visitors.

By this time, James was calmly examining the room. It was barren and empty, and the bed was little more than a cot…Perhaps the hospital had too many patients this particular day?

The quaint little story-bubble of hallucinations that James had dreamt up popped violently when Alex came in surrounded by the body-builders from the "hallucinations".

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no…." James frantically looked around the room. Looking for some sign that this was a joke.

Alex smiled at him. "The Sleeping Beauty awakes."

"Gee thanks Alex, I knew you thought I was attractive, but _beautiful_?" James hid his thoughts with the banter that came so easily with his friend.

Alex rolled his eyes. "Whatever, James. We all know you're delusional."

"Speaking of delusional, what was with the whole SAS/MI6 thing? That was a joke, right?" The boy tried to laugh off what he knew was the truth. The next few words confirmed his deepest fears.

"I'm sorry, James. But no, it's not a joke. This is Wolf, Eagle, Snake, Fox and X-Ray."

James nodded dully. "Does Jack know that her brother is in the SAS?"

Alex smirked a bit. "Of course. You should know by now that her torture techniques are legendary."

"That they are…That they are." The younger boy frowned a bit. "Wait, so if Serpenta is a huge terrorist organization, what were they doing kidnapping me?"

Alex frowned a bit. "They're probably just trying to send us a message. That not only can they kidnap a boy and get away without any consequences, they can toss him into a SAS training camp without any trouble." He didn't mention the fact that it probably wasn't a coincidence that James, of all people, was kidnapped. It was a message to him, that his loved ones weren't safe... But that message wasn't one he wanted to share.

"Why would they do that?" James asked bewilderedly.

"Because they're assholes. That's why." Eagle spoke up, and then winced as Wolf smacked the back of his head. **(3)**

James sighed. "Has anyone told my parents what happened?"

Ben spoke up. "Not exactly. They've been told that you have witnessed a crime and that you're in protective custody right now."

"Probably for the best. All this espionage business would give my dad a heart attack."

They were silent for a second. Then Alex spoke up. "Say, James. Shall we show them the chocolate leprechaun?"

James smirked mischievously. "It would be my pleasure."

K-Unit exchanged a glance. Whatever this "chocolate leprechaun" was, it could not be good.

Later, as Eagle was running through the woods, dressed in a green outfit with a top hat, he regretted ever agreeing to the kid's evil plot.

* * *

The Chocolate Leprechaun was a very simple plan. You capture a man, force him into a leprechaun costume, and then promise to give anyone who captured him a jar full of chocolate and money. Tom, James and Alex had come up with it a few years prior. And this is what they did now. The contest had an entree fee of 5 pounds, and the boys put all that into the jar, using some of it to buy the chocolate….of course, only after taking about fifty pounds for themselves. After all, they deserved something for coming up with the genius idea.

To make matters more interesting, the boys promised that the man who captured the "leprechaun" would go on a date with a very nice girl, who had already agreed to go on a date as all of her others kept mysteriously cheating on her and then confessing their sins. Of course, Jack had more than just that reason for agreeing to the stupid contest. The main one being that Alex would show her all the pictures and videos of Eagle in a leprechaun costume, and she would get distribution rights.

Another one was the fact that she found military men to be attractive. Who could blame her?

Eagle, of course, was forced into the plan by his sister, who wanted more blackmailing material, but in turn, she had to introduce her 'cute friends' to him. She shuddered at the thought that he would date one of them. That would be just _awful_...

And so the contest began.

* * *

**(1): While I was writing this chapter, I realized that Gerald isn't the antagonist. He's an ex-bully who regrets his decisions and whom the army had straightened out. His seeing Alex awoke his old attitude, but all in all, he's not a bad guy. Just a little misunderstood. :)**

**(2): Speaking of Alex Pettyfer and aliens, did anyone else see I Am Number Four? I thought it was fantastic!**

**(3): Reference to one of my favorite TV shows here! Anyone who can guess it gets an honorary mention in the next chapter!**

**The funny thing about this chapter is that I wrote the part about the teenager hitting his head on the door one day, and the next I totally forgot what I was doing. I had absolutely no clue who the teenager was, or what he was doing there. So I decided to make him James, and to have him be abducted by something. And then the rest of the chapter happened. It's not my best work, but what do you think?**

**My plans for the next chapter is to wrap up the contest and the reunion, and to put a little bonding in there... what do you guys think about that?**

**PS: Has anyone else seen Deathly Hallows Part 2? I thought it was the best one yet... :D**

**Thanks for putting up with me,**

**Marie**


	14. In Which Jack Plots

**AN: Hi everyone… Sorry I took so long to update…. School started and all that…**

**People who rule because they guessed the tv show I referenced (it was NCIS by the way…): ****MistyToryRabiyah, ****DammitimmaD****, CrystalGriffin, rider6mi, dudeseyaj, Deanie, Danielle of Ebony Creek, MichaelaTheUchiha, Sailor Silver Cosmos, Jajrulz, St. Danger, Sa 'Kage (by the way, I love the name + the book you got it from… :D), Heepwahtastic, Rinix14, Jessi-endings, Deathon'Olympus'-in-ne, Jesse Wales, -X-xx-Sazza-xx-X-, and Edot R1D3R.  
Wow. A lot of people watch NCIS apparently… **

**Disclaimer: Alex Rider does not belong to me. If he did, he would be locked up in my basement, so I could stare at him for the rest of my life. Sadly, the only thing in my basement are a few spiderwebs. :(**

* * *

**This chapter is dedicated to the victims of 9/11, along with their families.**

* * *

**A Coincidental Relative**

**Chapter 14**

**In Which Jack Plots**

* * *

Eagle ran away from Wolf, who was very enthusiastic in his pursuit. _Too_ enthusiastic…

As he ran down a beaten down path in the middle of the forest, he panted with effort. The green leprechaun outfit was very stuffy, and his skin must've been at least three times his normal temperature. Jack glanced behind him, then to the right and left. Seeing nothing, he slowed to a walk. When he came to an unfamiliar clearing, he decided to stop for a few minutes to rest.

He sat down on a tree stump to catch his breath. As his frantic panting soon slowed, he looked around the clearing, seeing only giant evergreen and oak trees, he sat back a bit more.

After an hour or so of paranoia, Eagle decided that the clearing he had found was a good one, and that he could probably get some rest. But he wouldn't fall asleep… No, he decided as he laid down. He would just close his eyes for a moment…

Eagle awoke to Wolf hogtying him. Eagle started struggling against his teammate, but Wolf ignored him as a horse would ignore an ant. As soon as Eagle's arms and legs were tied together behind his back, Wolf hoisted the man over his shoulder and set off jogging to the contest's headquarters… Also known as the K-Unit cabin.

Eagle didn't even struggle against Wolf now, knowing resistance was futile. If Wolf could drag two camels with terrorists on their backs five miles to an SAS base with no water or food in the middle of a desert, then he could easily run half a mile with his teammate on his back… No matter what costume he was in.

Wolf made it to his Cabin and slammed open the door to find Alex and James sitting behind a table in business suits. Where they got the business suit, he didn't want to know. And he _definitely_ didn't want to know where they got the leprechaun costume.

Wolf walked up to the table and slammed Eagle down onto it. "Give me the chocolate, and the money." He growled.

James looked a little taken aback by the hogtied "leprechaun", but Alex didn't even flinch as he reached under the desk and took out a large jar full of chocolate bars and stacks of money.

"Congratulations." He told Wolf as he slid the jar across the table. "Your date with Jack will be a week after the reunion ends… In other words, eleven days."

Wolf looked shocked. "I don't want a date with Jack!" He yelled, pointing to the still-tied up man on the table.

"No, I mean his sister, Jackie. I call her Jack. Remember? We discussed this a while ago!"

"Oh… Right. Sorry. I'll be leaving now." Wolf said, grabbing the jar and walking out of the cabin, before returning after realizing it was _his_ cabin.

James turned to Alex. "Shouldn't we tell the others that the hunt is over?"

Alex scoffed. "Are you joking? Of course not! They'll figure it out themselves… Somehow."

James shrugged. It didn't really matter to him.

* * *

Alex ran out of the car and hugged the house.

Eagle and Ben stared at him, a bit frightened. James just ignored the antics of his friend. Tom was about fifty times worse, after all.

"Oh, house. I thought I'd never see you again!" Alex murmured, still hugging the door. Not such a smart idea, it turned out, as when Jack #1 opened the door excitedly, he fell forward, onto her. Jack pushed him off angrily before smothering him in a hug.

"ALEX!" She shouted. "I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HOME!" Jack waited for him to answer and was a bit peeved at the lack of reply. She let him go, and only then noticed his slightly blue face.

"Glad to be home." Alex finally wheezed out, trying to get some oxygen back into his lungs.

Eagle slowly tiptoed into the house, not wanting to be choked to death by his over-enthusiastic sister.

James, on the other hand, went right up to Jack and asked for a hug. She, of course, obliged. He then ran off into the house along with Alex.

Finally, Jack and Ben were alone.

"So…" He began awkwardly.

"So…" Jack answered.

"You're going on a date with Wolf, huh?" He asked, fidgeting with his hands at the awkward silence.

"Yeah," Jack replied, trying to figure out a way to diffuse the tenseness that hovered over them. "Would you like to come in for some tea or coffee?" She finally asked.

"No," he said, "I'd better get going…"

"Alright. Have a good day."

"You too."

Jack closed the door and then hit her head against it for good measure. She hated awkward silences with a passion that seemed odd to some, but after being raised in a family full of silences only broken by yelling, she had grown to loathe them.

The silence was broken by the doorbell ringing. She, confused, opened it onto to be greeted by Ben, who immediately attached himself to her in a passionate kiss before turning around and getting into his car, driving away before Jack could really figure out what just happened.

She must have been standing in the doorway for fifteen minutes when Alex came round and stared at her, perturbed. "Is everything okay?" He asked.

"Ben just kissed me." The redhead said, still not fully comprehending what exactly had occurred.

"Finally." Answered the blonde boy cryptically before walking off. He had actually thought it was something serious.

Jack forced herself to close the door and go sit down on the couch before she suddenly jumped up. She had to call Anne and Hannah! Wait, Anne and Hannah… There was something she couldn't remember… It was important. Her eyes widened as she ran to Eagle's room, only to find him studying an eyeliner pencil…

"How does this work?" He asked, going cross-eyed in the mirror while putting it in the middle of his eyelid.

Jack squeezed her eyes shut, wondering why her brother was so stupid. "Not like that. Er… Sorry about using your room as a make-up room."

Eagle glanced around the room which had three vanity tables, many chairs and all sorts or random make-up tools, hair accessories, and things he couldn't identify. "It's okay…as long as I get a date with one of your friends for my trouble. Oh, and you have to clean it up." He grinned evilly at Jack, who went wide-eyed at the thought of cleaning up the whole room.

She groaned as she began working.

* * *

Alex sat in his room with James. "You can't tell anyone about anything that happened… You know that, right?"

James looked up. "Are you still going on about that? Of _course_ I won't tell anyone!"

The teen spy sighed in relief.

"But can we at least tell Tom? It isn't really fair that I know and he doesn't…"

Alex avoided eye contact with his friend. "…Umm… How should I say this… Tom already knows."

"_WHAT?"_ James yelled, standing up in outrage. "You told _Tom_ before _me?_ Tom?"

"I needed his help for…something… and he insisted on knowing. I'm really sorry James."

James stood up, knocking over an energy drink, which he'd been gulping down. Thankfully, he was a teenager, so the can was dry as a desert. He turned away from Alex. "After all this time… Alex, you _cheated _on me?" He began fake-crying dramatically. "I… I can't believe this!" He ran out of the room, and downstairs, where he turned on Alex's x-box and began playing.

Alex sat in his room, stunned. He _really_ had to get better friends.

Eagle crept into his room, looking over his shoulders in a way that would make a paranoid schizophrenic proud. "First… what did you do to James? Second… Ok, I don't really have a second one. Can I hide out here while Jack de-girlifies my room?"

The blonde sighed. "James decided I was cheating on him and went downstairs, and go ahead. But what do you mean, 'de-girlifies your room'?"

Eagle looked troubled. "Trust me, young one. You _don't_ want to know."

* * *

Jack crept slowly through the dark hallways, not daring to turn on the light. She went down the stairs one step at a time, hoping that they wouldn't screech at all. There it was! The front door glowed somehow, and Jack grinned as she relaxed slightly. She was in home territory now… There was no way that-

"And where are you going, young lady?"

As if in a horrible, cheesy movie, Jack whirled around to see her brother and ward slowly spin around in their respective office chairs that had been moved to the living room for dramatic effect.

"Not on a date I hope…" Her brother continued, tensing slightly with the energy it took him to refrain from spinning around and around in the chair like a toddler.

Alex smirked. "After all, you didn't tell us anything. And you always tell us _everything_."

Jack straightened herself up, raising her chin slightly. She was a strong woman, damn it! Not a teenager (although the whole situation seemed very reminiscent of her younger years…)! "Where I am going is none of your business." She informed them loftily.

"Oh, really?" Alex asked, raising one eyebrow.

"Yes. Really." She spat out before running out the door and to her car, nearly tripping over the heels she was wearing. Jack sped off in her car, driving the opposite direction of where she was actually headed. She didn't put it past them to tail her car.

Finally, after half an hour of driving on back roads and doubling back more times than would be considered necessary, she made it to her destination. Entering the club, she pulled out her cell phone and dialed Anna's number. It rang a few times before her friend answered.

"Hello?"

"It's Jack! Where are you?" She yelled into the phone, fighting to be heard over the booming music.

"On the balcony! I see you!"

Jack looked up and around to find the "balcony", and when she did, she could make out a tiny brunette figure jumping up and down waving maniacally.

"I see you too! I'm heading up!" She ran up the stairs as best she could, avoiding tipsy people, and the occasional rip-roaring drunk. Once she made it up the stairs she was nearly attacked by Anna and Hannah, whose idea of a hug could make even the most hardened SAS soldier gasp for breath.

"Jack! It's so good to see you!" Hannah squealed.

"Yeah, we haven't gone out in such a _long_ time!" Anna agreed, before jerking suddenly, as if just remembering something. "Oh! I want you to meet someone!"

"He's _fit._" Hannah whispered in Jack's ear, pretending to swoon.

Anna rolled her eyes, while dragging Jack over to a table. "He's one of my best friends… Excluding you guys. We met in secondary school. We just saw him here, so we're hanging out with his friends as well…"

"They're _all fit_!"

Jack grinned. "Sounds fun."

Anna laughed. "They're tons of fun. Oh, here we are!" They had arrived at a table in a corner. "Jack, I want you to meet Jake, Jake, meet Jack."

A well-built man standing in front of them turned around and suddenly, Jack felt like punching something. Her eyes widened, as did his. "YOU!" She shouted at the same times as he did.

"What are you doing here?" She hissed at him.

"What am I doing here? What are _you_ doing here?" Wolf exclaimed, obviously as confused as she was.

Anna raised an eyebrow at the two of them. "You two know each other?"

"He's one of my brother's unit mates." Jack said, not turning away from the glaring contest she had started with Wolf, err… Jake.

Hannah raised an eyebrow as well. "Your brother's in the SAS? He's even hotter now!"

Jack turned away from giving Wolf a glare to looking at her friend with a disgusted expression. "One, that's gross. Two, that's just… gross."

"Excuse me, can I talk to you for a second?" Wolf hissed at Jack, not waiting for her permission before pulling her aside. "How do you know Anna?" He glared at her.

"We went to university together." Jack spat out, before tensing. "Why?"

He bit his lip. "I just wanted to make sure that she's not involved with…well, whatever Cub's involved with. I don't want her getting hurt."

Jack studied him, narrowing her eyes slightly. "You _like _her."

"What are we now, five?" Jake turned away, not meeting her eyes.

"There is no age for the truth." She said mock-wisely before turning serious once more. "Aren't you married?"

He sighed. "Divorced."

"Jack told me that the only reason you picked him up is because your wife made you."

"All the guys know Anna. They uh…" Wolf awkwardly scratched at the back of his neck. "They call her my wife."

"Alright." Jack nodded, relaxing slightly as she absorbed the new information before snapped back to look at him. "If you like her, then why'd you win a date with me?"

He bit his lip before checking to make sure that the group of friends (who, Jack now noticed, included Snake and X-Ray) wasn't eavesdropping. He then leaned lower in. "Look, I… I wanted to make her jealous, alright?" Jack squealed and clapped her hands together before Wolf slammed his hand over her mouth. "Not so loud!"

Jack waited for him to remove his hand. "So, you do like her."

"Yes."

"Okay, then. You can pick me up at seven tomorrow night."

"Wait, what?"

The redhead rolled her eyes. "I'm going to help you make her jealous."

"Really?"

"Well, yeah!"

"Why?"

"Because this whole situation is just so _cute_! Big bad SAS man, unable to tell his long-time crush that he likes her…"

Wolf groaned. "This was a bad idea, wasn't it…"

"Yup! Now, I have one more thing to ask you…"

He looked at her, his eyes screaming, _what more could you possibly want?_

She grinned wickedly. "Is Ben here?"

* * *

**AN: Sorry it took so long to update...**

**I decided to update today so I could dedicate this to all the victims of the 9/11 attacks in New York, which happened 10 years ago today. There are very personal, and I'm sure everyone can relate…. It was a really tough day for me and my family, and I know we weren't the only ones...**

**On a lighter note, please review and say where you want the story to go, since I'm pretty much making this up as I go… There's only a few more chapters left, so you guys have a few options!**

**Option 1: This becomes a more lighthearted fic**

**Option 2: Alex has some trouble in school**

**Option 3: I make something out of the Serpenta thing…**

**Thanks for reading!**

**-Marie**


	15. The Execution Of the Plan

**AN: So, you must all hate me, and I kind of hate myself. I was busy, blah blah blah, all that. The truth is, I was fairly uninspired and facing some serious writer's block. It was really, really bad. Anyways, I couldn't figure out where I was going with this, so I kinda...er... finished it?**

**DON'T KILL ME**

**Disclaimer: Yeah, I really don't own it...**

**A Coincidental Relative**

**Chapter 16**

**The Execution (Of the Plan)**

* * *

"This is the second night in a row you've tried to sneak out." Alex and Jack were standing by the door, facing her. "Care to explain yourself?"

She groaned. "Seriously, guys. I have a date. It's no big deal."

"I want to meet this boy!" Jack #2 announced suddenly, raising his hand mock-threateningly.

Jack sighed. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate her brother's and ward's protectiveness. Really. She did. But (and it was a bit _but_), she was a grown woman capable of making her own decisions…. She also carried around pepper spray and a rape whistle. "I'll make you two a deal. Tomorrow, I'll make peach cobbler, if you two don't interfere with my date tonight."

Her brother and Alex exchanged quick glances. They weren't very cryptic, however. Jack obviously was desiring some cobbler while the teenager was glaring in a '_don't you think about it'_ manner.

"We agree!" Her brother announced grandly. "Just make a lot of it!"

"I promise." Jack grinned right as the bell rang. "Oooh, I think that's him!" She ran to the door and opened it, revealing a very nervous looking Wolf dressed in a dark blue button up shirt and carrying a small bouquet of flowers.

"Good evening," he greeted her before all hell could break loose. Jack quickly thanked him for the beautiful flowers and went to go find a vase to hold them before she could be caught in the crossfire.

"_Wolf?_ What the _bloody hell _are you doing here?" Eagle screeched, a very high pitched sound that Jack could hear all the way from the kitchen.

"I'm here to take Jack out on the date I won in that ridiculous contest." He answered smoothly, obviously trying very hard not to show fear in front of his unit-mates.

"That's right. And since you two promised not to interfere, we'll be going now." Jack spoke, grabbing a coat before pulling Jake out of the house and slamming the door shut. "Are you ready for this?" She asked him.

He shrugged. "I'm still not quite sure why we're doing this."

"It was your idea!"

"I just wanted to make Anna jealous… I never thought of something this complex." Wolf protested, though he was obviously not too bothered by what was happening.

Jack sighed exasperatedly. "We're making Anna jealous. That's what we're doing. Only we're doing it more effectively, practically, and in a more insured manner. Got it?"

"Yes ma'am… You know, I get why Cub and Eagle are so frightened of you. You're pretty scary."

The redhead beamed at him. "Why _thank you_. You're pretty scary yourself."

"Oh, stop… You're making me blush." He joked.

"So you _do_ have a sense of humor. Okay, we can work with that!"

"How are we going to work with my sense of humor?"

Jack rolled her eyes. "You've never done this whole 'make a girl jealous' thing before, have you?"

"Never… I got married right out of school, and then two years later, the divorce papers were signed. After that, the army took up most of my time."

"Well, fortunately for you, I have. Just stick with me, kid, and you'll be fine."

* * *

"So, Anna was a tomboy?"

Jake nodded enthusiastically. "Biggest one I've ever seen. Ponytail every day, basketball shorts, baggy t-shirt… The works."

"What _happened_?"

"Once we hit our late teens, she started realizing that she was behaving differently from other girls and started to change herself. She started wearing make-up, jeans, skirts… She was always really beautiful, but it just wasn't _her_."

Jack gaped at him. "You don't just like her, you're in _love_ with her."

"No. I'm not."

"Yes, you are." She mimicked him, before thrusting a hand out. "Shhh… Be quiet!"

The burly man leaned back in shock. "But I didn't say anyt-"

"_Shhhhh_…"

"Jack, seriously."

"What part of '_shhh_' do you not understand?"

Jake rolled his eyes but stayed silent. His restraint was rewarded as he glanced toward the direction Jack was staring at and saw Anna walk in, dressed in a fairly short slinky dress and accessorizing it with a fairly handsome man on her arm. He stared for a moment before tearing his eyes away and looking back at Jack. "She's here? What do we do?"

"Calm down, soldier boy! We go, and we say hi,"

But there was no need for that. "Jack, Jake? What are you guys doing here?" Anna asked cheerily.

Jack was suddenly blushing, and Jake found himself staring at her. Wow. Eagle's sister had good acting abilities. "We're kind of out on a date."

"Really? That's amazing!" Anna cheered, though her smile faltered just a bit, something Jake barely caught.

"Yeah, and who's that with you?" Jake asked, glaring slightly at the man.

"This is Bryce, we're out on a date too." She grinned sheepishly at Jake and he smiled tightly back. "Well, we'd better get back to our table before the waiter comes… It was nice seeing you two!"

Jake and Jack chorused replies to her and her boy as she led him away like a puppy on a leash.

"I don't like him." Jake growled the second they were out of hearing range.

"Well, of course you don't, he's with _her_, isn't he?"

"That's got nothing to do with it. It is _purely_ the fact that he is an arse."

"He didn't say one word to you!"

"Exactly! He needs to be more polite!"

"While a big bad SAS man is glaring daggers at him? Not likely. You're jealous, admit it."

"Fine. It's true. I'm jealous. Happy?"

Jack laughed. "I won't be happy until you and Anna are happily together."

"There's no chance of that, is there?" Wolf grumbled grumpily. "She barely cared that I was out on a date with her _best friend_."

"You're her best friend! She was _jealous_!" Jack whispered fiercely before her eyes widened. "And now, I need you to be a good little SAS soldier and look very interested in our conversation."

"What's wrong? Why are you acting so weirdly?"

"Ben's here."

Wolf raised his eyebrows and a little grin started playing around on his lips. "So, Little Jackie fancies Ben, does she?"

"Shut your mouth before I shut it for you." Jack snapped irritably, eyeing something behind Wolf very intensely.

"I thought you planned this whole evening out, what with the Anna just so happening to be here…"

"Anna was planned. _He_ is not." She bit her lip. "Think I could run to the bathroom and climb out the window?"

"Not without me looking like a stood-up tosser."

"You could come with me…" Jack thought for a moment before his face lit up. "We could make it look like we're going to go have bathroom sex!"

Wolf's jaw dropped open. "Now I see how you're related to Eagle. You are absolutely insane."

"I should take offense to that, but I won't." Jack brushed the insult off easily before standing up and smiling at Jake innocently.

"You are not allowed to climb out of the window." He ordered.

She rolled her eyes. "Relax, the only reason I'm going is because Anna went… And because Ben's coming this way. Have fun!" With the parting phrase, she ran off, leaving Wolf sitting alone at the table, cursing the red-haired demon that had gotten him into this situation.

"Oh, hey there Jake! What are you doing here?" Ben asked sincerely, grinning at him as he slid into Jack's recently vacated seat.

"Date." He grunted before looking over Ben's attire, which was not casual in the least. "Why are you so dressed up?"

"Oh, uh… Date?" Fox offered, grinning sheepishly. His face was so uncertain, however, that he quickly dropped all pretenses and shrugged. "This is going to sound beyond weird… But uhhh…"

"Spit it out already!"

"Jack called me, and told me that his sister was coming here on a date today. And then Cub encouraged me to make her jealous by going on a date of my own. So, I called up an old friend, and we're meeting for dinner in about five minutes." Ben blurted out, refusing to look at Wolf, who, in turn, was gaping at his friend.

"Oh, really? That's… very odd." He managed to stammer out after a moment had passed, all the while cursing Eagle, Cub, and Jack #1 too, just for the heck of it.

"Yeah… Speaking of which, you haven't happened to…er… see her, have you?"

"Who's this she you're talking about Ben?" The-spoken-of-devil suddenly appeared and Ben quite literally jumped in his seat.

"Oh, hi! I didn't see you there… Er… I was talking about my friend… Her name is Angelica, we're meeting. For dinner." Ben stuttered out while, to Wolf's delight, a light pink blush tinted his cheeks.

"Friend?" Jack asked, raising an eyebrow mischievously. "Or something more?

Ben looked as if he wanted to die on the spot; right there and then. "No, no… Friend, just a friend…"

Wolf could actually see Jack's eyes light up at that, and he shook his head mournfully at the fact that yes, he did in fact associate with these people who quite honestly were insane.

"Who are you here with?" Fox asked Jack, who smiled brightly at him.

"Jake."

Ben's mouth fell open as he gaped at Wolf. "I didn't- I didn't know you two were…"

"Oh, no no no…" Jack was quick to correct him. "It's the aftermath of that insane leprechaun bet you lot did at the training camp. He won a date, so I was helping him to make Anna jealous."

"A date in order to make someone jealous?" Ben raised an eyebrow while glaring at Wolf, who had the decency to look slightly shamed for his condemnation of Ben's situation not two minutes earlier. "How _odd_."

"I don't think it's odd at all." Jack chimed in, her smile growing even wider as she somehow, with all the mystery of a woman, seemed to realize just what Ben was doing at the restaurant.

"Of course you don't." Wolf muttered while he sipped at the ice-water which the waiter had brought when they had first sat down… That seemed like an eternity ago.

"Well, I'd best be going… But uh, before I go…" Ben paused for a moment before turning and grinning at Jack. "Would you be willing to go out on a date with me say… Next Friday?"

"Oh, I think I might be." Jack smiled coyly at the man who grinned back.

"Great. I'll call you to set up the details. It was nice seeing you, Jake."

"Yeah, yeah…" He muttered back as his friends walked off and was replaced by Jack who beamed at him as she took a sip of water.

"I declare this evening a success."

He rolled his eyes. "For you, maybe…"

Jack let out a fake-sounding laugh, and then another. She then wiped at some fake tears in her eyes. "Oh, oh that's a good one." She suddenly stopped and glared at him. "Do I really look so self-centered that I would just give up on the plan and just do whatever benefits myself?"

"Um… No?" Wolf felt like a deer in the headlights, and he desperately hoped that Cub wasn't about to somehow tape it, because he had seen what had been done to Eagle.

"Anna was in the bathroom with me, and she asked me if I had feelings for you, so I told her the truth."

"You _what_?" He gaped in horror at the red-head. He should have known better than to trust the sister of Eagle.

"Calm down. I told her that you were here to help me out since I wanted to make Ben jealous, and that you didn't have feelings for me. She confessed to liking you, and I told her that I would talk to you and see if you liked her, which you do, so you two are going to go see a movie tomorrow at eight, and then have dinner."

Wolf gaped at her again before grinning. "Thanks, Jack. You might not be as insane as I thought."

"Yeah, I get that a lot." Jack grinned back at him.

* * *

"So, everything turned out okay, huh?" Eagle asked Alex a week later.

"Yeah, I guess… Wolf's dating Anna, you're having sex with Hannah, Jack's dating Ben, and I have a lot of money for whatever I want to do because of the horrible guys Jack hooked up with." Alex agreed before grinning widely. "And the second compilation of embarrassing videos will be done in a few days."

"I mean, you're still being blackmailed by MI6 and all that, but you know, for the most part, everything's good!" Jack #2 exclaimed happily, leaning back in his kitchen chair.

"Serpenta needs to be taken care of though…" Alex muttered darkly, leaning forward onto his elbows.

"Jones and Blunt are on it… Don't worry about it. There's nothing you can do without risking yourself, and believe me, if they need you, they'll let you know. Just relax. Enjoy yourself for once."

"I suppose…"

Jack #2 let out a loud laugh. "Alex, let me give you some advice."

"Oh, this should be good." Alex mumbled down at his hands.

"There will always be time to focus on the negative parts of life. The trick is to kick back, relax, and enjoy what is positive."

"That was deep." The teen replied in surprise while raising his eyebrows.

Eagle nodded sheepishly. "I got it out of a fortune cookie."

The two burst out laughing and did, indeed, kick back, relax, and enjoy the positive part of their lives.

And though their lives weren't the most normal, they were pretty good.

At least, for now.

* * *

**AN: So, yeah. That's it. I know I left a lot of things open-ended, but I just can't bring myself to force more chapters out. It's taken over two years (holy crap, how are people still reading this?) but I've finally finished this.**

**It feels good. Confusing, but good.**

**I'd really love to hear what you all think of this chapter, and the story in general. It's been a great journey, and I really enjoyed writing this!**

**Thank you all for your support, and for (hopefully) not murdering me in my sleep. Homicide is frowned upon in our society.**

**Thank you so much,**

**-Marie**


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